Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Treacherous Adaptability of Libido

I find my fantasy imagination tends to adapt to a level that seems plausible at the time. To explain this, I need to make a distinction between the fantasies I let myself dwell on when I want to wank and the ones that keep popping into my head all the time whether I approve or not. The ones I let myself dwell on are safely unconnected to real friends and acquaintances who might not like being the subject of a fantasy; they're generally porn-assisted and don't change much. The ones that pop into my head almost always are about real friends and acquaintances.

It's the ones that just pop into my head that really change. I'm not going to describe them in my usual graphic way. I started this blog to give myself a place to talk, to work things out in my head. It has evolved into a place where I can also get really valuable discussion and advice. I hope it's interesting to others because it provides a very intimate window onto one man's thinking about sex, and thus a clue as to what people who are less open might be thinking.

I'm not going to describe these fantasies in my usual graphic way, because they could be taken as requests. Even though they're the ones that just pop into my head, not the ones I let myself dwell on, something that seemed like it could be a public request would change the whole feel of the blog in a skanky way. This is where I share my thoughts and feelings, not where I troll for cybersex. (Which isn't to say that cybersex is bad, or even that I will necessarily abstain from it after the divorce is final, just that this isn't the place.)

So let's just say that the fantasies are about virtual contact not physical contact, and often pretty simple, low-bandwidth virtual contact.

What is required to get me excited has really changed a lot since the last time I had sex in February. Even then, as I've described, I was feeling starved. Now, I feel like all I want is the littlest bit of personal sexual acknowledgement. Then, feeling starved, I was grateful to indulge my foot fetish by masturbating while licking my wife's feet, but also resentful that that was all I had to be grateful for. Now, even thinking about getting to do that is wank material.

I think it's important to know how these things change before embarking on a long term relationship. Foot-licking sounds super hot to me now, but that's the treacherous part. I know it's not something that can make me happy as a major component of my sex life. Before my first marriage, I didn't know what I wanted, and I thought the sex I'd never had would be enough despite what I'd fantasized about. And it wasn't.

When I marry again, I do not ever again want to be in the position of being so sex-starved that I'm grateful for foot-licking as the hottest thing available to me. I would like to be in the position where once in a while I do that exact same action as part of submissive play, as a way to show her how great and wonderful and desirable I think she is. (And if I don't think that of her I'm not going to marry her.) The difference in motive is crucial. A woman who liked the footplay would want a happy husband to show that her littlest acknowledgement was hot and desirable, not her desperate husband to show how desperate he'd become.

No comments:

Post a Comment