Saturday, November 20, 2010

How am I going to embarrass myself this time?

I'm at the stage in the emotional process of separation where I'm ridiculously desperate for any confirmation that someone finds me sexy. I wonder how I'll embarrass myself this time? Nine years ago it was a show of cunnilingus on a doughnut for some rather horrified friends.


  1. Ha ha ha. I once fellated a water bottle to try to impress someone. I was still married at the time (but not getting any attention or sex) and the "someone" was the male co-worker I sat next to.

    Y'know, I think planning ahead would work for this at least as well as it would for fending off sexual harassment (as we discussed a few posts back). Think of all the situations where you'd be tempted to make a fool of yourself and hardwire yourself with a more appropriate response.

    And I think you're sexy. The fact that I base this solely on your personality may make it a grander compliment than "OMG hot body!!1!" or it might not, depending on one's point of view...but there you have it.

  2. When you have an embarrassing story, it's always really comforting to hear you're not the only one.

    Thanks very much for the compliment! I do think it's grander. I'm neurotic about male attractiveness, not so much about my particular male body; and you already know I'm a man. It's extraordinarily nice to hear that someone who's heard so much of my kinks and weirdnesses thinks I'm sexy, since sexiness is what I'm most insecure about.

    I likewise think you're sexy, and I've mentioned that before.

    I'll try planning ahead, but, I think I'm going to slip up anyway. One of my professors used to say "Nothing is foolproof because fools are so inventive." Right now I am that inventive fool, constantly inventing new ways to embarrass myself; I can't plan ahead while I'm calm because I'm not ever calm at this point in the process, and I just can't figure out what is appropriate beyond faking a lot of cool reserve. And, of course, I'm still ridiculously tempted to do or say things that I know are inappropriate.