Friday, August 27, 2010


I am attracted physically to a fairly broad range of women; about 30-55 years old or so, weighing about 100-200% of recommended BMI-based weight as long as they're active, any race, tall, short, or medium. I'm not too picky about looks in general, though I like large boobs on heavier women and small on thinner women. I am often attracted to women who have trouble with their looks, e.g. online dating contacts disappear when they exchange pictures. (For comparison I'm 41, tall, a fairly burly 150% of recommended BMI, and one of my friends, who is extraordinarily generous with compliments, keeps telling me I should be on the cover of bodice-ripper romance novels.) Finding a woman I'm physically attracted to is not going to be much of a problem for me when it comes time to find someone new. And this is fortunate; as a kinky Christian who wants a Christian with matching kinks I'd better not be picky about looks.

Not being picky about looks is something I feel kind of good about. The question is, should I feel blessed, proud, or some of both? How much can we shape our own preferences? I try; as I identify things I don't like I try to shape myself to see them as beautiful too. (Next project is small boobs on heavy women; after that, believe it or not, large boobs on thin women; especially when they're visibly fake.)

I have a friend who is a bit older than me. His skeleton was visibly deformed by childhood autoimmune disease and he has several major skin problems also resulting from the same condition. He only seems to react to high-school-age beauty queens. He's also extremely picky about food; where I eat most things cheerfully. (I don't like shellfish, but if you have me over for dinner and serve me shellfish I think you won't know it.)

If he tried to look forwards to trying new foods, as I do, could he change that? How about if he tried to admire more women? Could he see beauty in them like I do? It seems like it worked for me; certainly my range now includes lots of things it previously didn't, and it absolutely appears to have followed my efforts.

But in some places I've lost ground. Big movie or porn stars no longer attract me as much as more ordinary women; if I haven't worked in an office with someone who looked like her, she doesn't look right to me. I never set out to shape myself that way, but it happened; probably as a result of constantly thinking that looks like that mean she wouldn't be interested in me.

In food, I've lost some of my taste for sweets; I rarely get dessert, and find ordinary soda sweeter than I like.

In both of these areas, I don't see a lot of value in striving to include what has been excluded; I don't see candy or movie stars being good for me.

But I wonder, did I really broaden my range, or just shift it? I think I broadened it, but it's hard to measure objectively.

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