Monday, January 21, 2013

Media spin and gun control

Ever notice whenever there's a tragic mass shooting, the reaction of politicians is to try to make the rest of the country more like the location of the shooting, and few notice that's what they're doing because the media never seems to mention that? Connecticut (where Sandy Hook Elementary School is) has an "assault weapons" ban. Sandy Hook and every mass shooting in the US except the one in Tuscon, AZ since 1950 has been in a gun free zone. Wouldn't it make the discussion clearer to say, provide a list of the laws the shooter was breaking? If, that is, the news media had a desire to inform people so they could make better policy. I have found with every subject I know a lot about, mainstream media is totally misleading, and it's always misleading in the direction of promoting more government control and less individual freedom.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everybody who celebrates it! And happy December 25th to everyone who doesn't!

Friday, November 23, 2012

Now I see it.

Every relationship cools a little eventually. It's just something you have to understand and allow for. But for me, there was a voice in my head saying that as soon as there was a commitment, the love my partner felt for me would fade and vanish. Like it did with both my ex-wives. With my girlfriend, everything that brought us closer freaked me out. I saw superficialities like looks as more lasting than her love. I wish I had seen it sooner. I can't attempt a serious relationship unless/until I fix this.

God I feel so stupid.

I just broke up with the girl with whom I had the enthusiasm gap. Or she broke up with me, because I wanted to see other people. I feel so stupid- I should have felt so much more enthusiasm. She deserved so much more, but my stupid heart wouldn't listen to my head. Now I'm saying "why did you do that you idiot?" But I had to do it. She may have been the one for me, the best chance at happiness I'll ever have, but I didn't feel it and it didn't seem like I was going to. No matter how many great qualities she has, I wasn't reacting to them right. And I felt like a deceiver and a cheat whenever she'd praise me. She deserves better and I hope she finds it, a guy who's better than me and emotionally ready for a relationship on the marriage track.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Glamer Problem

That's not a misspelling; it's one of the ways they spelled 'glamour' when it still meant a magic spell rather than high fashion.

On my birthday, in early July, Sparkly Girl gave me a framed photo of me with four of my female friends around me. She told me it was a reminder of some of the women that adore me. Every girl that has actually gone out for me has fallen for me; the longer it's gone the harder they've fallen. My current girlfriend, and the one before, have both spontaneously called me both 'Mr. Awesome' and 'Mr. Wonderful'. I've realized that I've become one of those people that just has something about them. I've know women who had the same thing; almost every guy loved them, though there were other women around who were just as nice, or prettier.

But this effect made a problem for me when I tried to date around, meet girls. My OKCupid profile said that I wanted to meet lots of people and keep it strictly platonic. My girlfriend, the very first girl that I went on a date with, told me that by the second date, she knew she was jumping with both feet; it might lead to heartbreak, but she thinks I'm worth the risk. Now there's kind of an enthusiasm gap. I like her, there's not a thing wrong with her, but she's not my perfect girl. I don't feel as much enthusiasm as I did meeting my second wife*. And I don't feel as much enthusiasm as she does.

The failure of my platonic plan was my fault, of course. And I contributed to it in lots of ways. One way was that I got carried away by someone who really likes me sexually. At the end of the second date, we were out at our cars, and she was looking at me rather starry-eyed. I said, I'd really like to kiss you now. She said, So kiss me then. I did and she responded hard; ending up leaning bonelessly back against her car, panting and groaning, head back, just from her response to the way I kiss and neck. Those of you who have know what it's like to feel undesirable can imagine the effect on me. I felt ten feet tall and shining.

The glamer seems to work on kids too. She, her six-year-old daughter, and I went to the mountains for a weekend recently. At the end of the trip, her daughter started shouting at her mother, "Marry him! Marry him!" So now I'm in a position to break two hearts instead of one, if it doesn't work out; and I can't see any way out without breaking both hearts. It makes me feel like I'm already committed to marry after only a few months, because I can't see a path out if I decide I want one.

* Though it turned out a lot of those things I loved about my second wife were only to impress people rather than to actually use for a loved one; like the fancy cooking was only for parties never for home.

Thursday, July 5, 2012