Second draft of an erotic story: Her Birthday

This is the second draft of the Her Birthday story.

The main changed section is underlined. What I'm looking for there is something that's easy to imagine is all about her, which results in her orgasm. Perversecowgirl, would you like an acknowledgement for advice on the story in the version on Literotica?

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Her Birthday

Today was her birthday. They'd had a party with friends yesterday. Today it would just be him. And not an ordinary day. She felt a lot of anticipation and a little nervousness. She wasn't going to be nice. And she was a nice person. But sometimes it was exciting to do something different; to let go a little bit of the rules of good behavior. She wasn't going to be a terrible person; after all he'd happily agreed to everything. But she wasn't going to be so nice; this wasn't the same as ordinary domming, when she did it for his sake perhaps even more than hers.

She opened the door and heard him running to the sound. He slowed to a brisk walk as he entered the hall, eyes down. "Welcome home, miss," he said. (It was perhaps the best of a bad set of potential titles.) He took her coat and hung it up.

"Knees," she said. Immediately he knelt in front of her. She gave him a little slap. "You were too slow."

"Yes, miss."

"Living room. I want a foot massage." She caught a trace of a grin. He had a pretty serious foot fetish, so this would be one of his favorite parts.

She entered and sat on the sofa, putting her feet up on the coffee table. He took off her shoes and she interrupted him.

"I want a drink first. The usual."

"Right away, miss." He hurried out and almost immediately hurried back with a full glass. He'd had it mixed and waiting in the fridge. She smiled at his thoughtfulness as he handed it to her. She'd have to catch him out so she could reward him. She realized he was still smiling back at her and hadn't gotten back to her feet; here was her chance already. She gave him the best frown she could.

"Well?" she said, pointing at her feet.

"Of course, miss." He stepped around the table.

"No, come here and bend over first." She spanked him a few times. He loved it. And she did too.

"OK, now." He knelt on the other side of the coffee table and started massaging her feet. He was really good at that; he didn't let the fetish get in the way of a skilled massage. His thumbs dug into her arches with careful pressure, working away the tension. It felt wonderfully relaxing to her. It was also kind of hot knowing his erection would be bulging his pants by now, but he still focused completely on a clinical kind of massage. She took one foot away and gave him the other. Foot massage was nice enough, but there were much more interesting things she wanted to do than that.

"Stand up," she said. He did; there was the expected bulge. "You want me bad, don't you, dirty boy?"

"Yes, miss."

"Any little attention I want to give you."

"Yes, miss." She was so remarkable to him, so beautiful; he wished she could know how he saw her.

"Show me."

He knelt again to kiss her feet. She pushed his face away with one of them. "No. Unzip and show me your penis."

He did. She always loved how hard he got with her, how fast, whether she was domming or subbing or neither. It was a compliment that couldn't be faked. She gestured at him to turn left, then right.

"Stroke it."

He did, throwing back his head in a show of sensual abandon. She watched for a few strokes, then said "Good boy. Step closer."

When he did she grabbed the head of his cock with her toes and gave it a few squeezes to watch his face. He gasped and closed his eyes, his face relaxing, his mouth opening to moan. He was so reserved in public; the abandonment he gave her alone was one of her favorite things about him.

"Come to the bedroom, bad boy."

"Yes, miss."

She lay on the bed on her side, propped up on an elbow. "Strip."

"Yes, miss."

She raised one knee and stroked herself lightly through her clothes as she watched him. After he was naked, she started ordering poses. "Hold the head with your thumb and forefinger, but don't stroke." "Turn around, let me see your ass." "Flex." He ignored his fears about his body and threw himself into his posing, sending her smoldering looks.

"Now show me how you feel about my feet."

He instantly dropped to his knees at the foot of the bed, licking her soles and sucking her toes. She stroked herself some more.

"Stop! You know you're a bad dirty boy."

"Yes, miss."

"Bend over the bed for your punishment then."

He liked the spanking, yes, but when she did it for him she held back a bit. In fact, she held back for her too. Neither of them were all that into pain as a rule, from either end; the spanking was usually pretty symbolic.

This time it was different. It was still a symbol, but a different one. It was his symbol of how far he'd go for her; it was her symbol of how much more careful and caring she normally was than he required; how much better she was than good enough for him.

She started out with light smacks as they did more commonly; then started drawing her arm back more, whipping from the elbow. He moaned for her and wiggled his ass as his cheeks reddened. She was getting ridiculously hot despite the fact it wasn't usually her thing.

He was too. It was his chance to show what she meant to him, by what he could take. So he loved every bit of pain she gave him. She was being generous to him, giving him the chance to give himself to her. She reached around him and took his cock lightly in her hand, and smacked him hard, gifting him with stinging pain. His cock pulsed in her hand each time she hurt him. She drew away, striking from the shoulder now.

"You LIKE it, don't you, dirty boy?"

"Yes-" SMACK. He hissed a gasp of air. "-please, Miss." SMACK. "PLEASE." He begged for it as she continued. He was utterly hers. She could do whatever she wanted with him, things she normally couldn't conceive of wanting to do, and he'd forgive her and still love her. Her absolute freedom with him terrified her a little but it inflamed her so much more.

She stripped quickly and got out a strapless double-ended dildo. This was the thing she'd had most on her mind; this was all about her. Perhaps she'd gotten the idea from gay porn, but it was something she really liked and he wasn't so much into. He knelt in front of her, looking up at her meltingly, as she inserted the bulbous end of the dildo into her now-soaking pussy. He flicked the head with his tongue, then rubbed the head with his closed lips as she watched. He knew a lot of it was about the show; after all it was a lot about the show for him when she was giving the blowjob. He ran his tongue underneath the shaft, running down to the base, his cock surging when he got a taste of her juice. He took the dildo gently in his lips from the side, looking up at her with his most vulnerable expression. Then he flicked at the base hard with his tongue to rub it against her clit. She gasped but it started to slip out; he cupped a hand to keep it in, and ran his lips along the shaft to kiss the head. He took it in his mouth, meeting her eyes as he flicked the head as hard as he could with his tongue to shake the base inside her. She took his head in her hands and thrust further into his mouth; he went with it, taking her deep. He choked a bit but kept trying to swallow it down for her; there was something about that, watching it got to her. Normally she would have stopped him, but tonight she was being bad and let him go, thrusting a little, and it felt good. She realized she was on the edge. Taking his head in her hands, she shook gently to give him the idea; he clamped down on the dildo with his mouth and shook it hard, rubbing the crook of it against her clit, wiggling it inside her. She came, gasping, her legs giving out a little, and caught herself by his shoulders.

She withdrew and removed the dildo. "Lay on your back."

He did and she mounted him, enveloping the cock that had been so desperately rising to her, wanting her touch all evening. He gasped with the sudden unbelievable pleasure of her hot wet pussy on the member that had been pulsing against the cold indifferent air.

"I'm not giving you permission to come," she said, and twisted his nipples. He arched his back and groaned. "If you come inside me, you'll be a bad boy. You'll have to make up for it. Understand?"

"Yes, miss."

"Good." She started slowly rocking her hips, her pussy working his cock. His face showed how good it felt. She pulled his head to a nipple that he could just reach if he twisted, and he licked eagerly. She moaned and rocked her hips a little faster. He gently sucked on her breast, flicking the nipple inside his mouth with his tongue. "Oh, you're a very good boy."

She rocked her hips side to side. A muffled exclamation came from around her breast. She pushed him down and brought his hands up to her breasts and squeezed them hard, showing him what to do. He kneaded just like she wanted as she fucked him. "Mmm."

His breathing and moaning was coming fast now. She knew he would climax soon. She stopped. "Remember you're not allowed to come," she said, "Right?"

"I can't... can't hold it."

"Well you're NOT ALLOWED." And then she rocked her hips again, rapidly speeding up, as fast and hard as she could, squeezing his desperately hard cock. His face contorted as he tried to hold it, but she yanked his come out of him with her pussy, forcing his orgasm despite himself. He shuddered violently under her, gasping, her riding him hard. She rode him out, grinning, as his spasms subsided. "What did I say?"

"Mmmmm... I'm sorry, miss." he said with an answering grin.

"You'll have to lick it clean then." She moved off his cock and poised her hips over his eager face. With her already so warmed up he licked pretty hard and fast from the beginning, pausing only to swallow the mixture of his and her juice. She grabbed his head and rubbed it against her pussy from below, coating his whole face, then moved his mouth back in place so he could do his favorite thing and hers. He loved her pussy, and kissing it and licking it and burying his face in it was sheer privilege to him. She held his head in position as he enthusiastically licked and sucked her clit, working her toward another orgasm. But it became hard to hold him that way.

"Out of the bed," she ordered. He scrambled out and she lay on her back sideways with her hips near the edge and her feet on it. He immediately saw what she wanted and dove back in, swirling his tongue around her clit, then sucking hard. She put her hands lightly on his head to indicate control but really she was letting him do what he was good at anyway. She moaned as his tongue played and he hummed an "mmm" into her, telling her how he loved it too. He pressed his tongue against her clit and shook his head from side to side, then licked hard and straight, curling the tip of his tongue to just enter her pussy at the beginning of each stroke. Her moans turned to little cries, coming faster and faster. She ground his head into her and he licked frantically, as if his life depended on these last few moments of worship of her sweet clit. She came, shuddering and screaming in her turn, clenching his face into her crotch, her juices flowing into his eager mouth. He licked, slowing, gentling, as her orgasm passed; gradually changing to soft, admiring kisses.

She drew him up, moving to a sleeping position with him, their arms wrapped around each other. She covered his face with kisses, with him returning them whenever she got close enough to his mouth. "That was the best birthday ever!"

He laughed. "You always say that."

"It always is!" A pause. "Your poor ass!" She turned him and kissed his red cheeks, then snuggled back.

"I loved it. You know I did."

"It's always hard to accept that you do all that for me."

"You know a lot of it is for me. And what about my birthdays?"

"I guess it's just hard when it's me."

"I know what you mean, but I love it. Even when it's just for you. Especially when it's just for you."

"I'm looking forward to your birthday. Maybe you could give me a little preview tomorrow, or the next day? Please, sir?"

His tired but eager grin just about split his head. "Sure!"

They fell asleep, secure in each other's arms.