In lieu of philosopy or confessions, here's a recipe. It is delicious in a vicious sort of way. I made some before I got sick and it's something you can taste through a clogged nose no problem. Make sure anyone you intend to get close to eats some too, I'm not kidding about the name.
2 cups loosely packed fresh basil leaves
1 bulb garlic (not a clove, all the cloves in a bulb)
1/2 cup pine (pignoli) nuts
4 oz parmesan cheese
Put the basil in a blender. Add olive oil until you've got just enough for the blender to chop up the leaves. Peel the garlic, add it, chop it up too. Add the pine nuts and parmesan, grind it all into a thick mixture. Should barely pour; I prop the blender pitcher over a bowl and leave it for an our, then scrape out the rest with a long-handled spoon. Let it sit in the refrigerator for three days (eating it sooner it has more bite and less umami). Serve over hot pasta.