Yesterday I wrote about how I imagined the cultural gender images affect people of that gender sexually. I think some people might be interested to hear about the way women's image affects me. I think a lot of men feel somewhat similarly, especially submissive men, but normally not so extremely as I.
I think, and hope, I didn't soak up the image of accomplishment being less important to women. I did, however, soak up the "sugar and spice and everything nice" image. To me, women are wonderful and somehow cleaner than men. Everything gross about a woman is considerably less gross than a man. It would be false to say I think women's shit doesn't stink. However, if you told me that someone had dug latrine near my well, and then told me only women use it, I would feel a moment of irrational partial relief (not "that's OK" but "could have been worse"). I wouldn't be nearly as grossed out if a woman accidentally sneezed on me as if a man did. I've got a bit of a pee kink. It does not extend to thinking women are morally better or worse than men; just physically cleaner. This idea is completely immune to real experience (i.e. it doesn't surprise me that girl pee smells like guy pee, it's just blessed somehow.)
Sometimes one hears complaints about being put on a pedestal, but it's hard for me to see the problems with this one. Seems like if I met a woman who felt the same way about men, it'd be great. Obviously it goes well with submissive play. What are the bad effects, if any?
After I left my husband, I got a book for helping me through the emotional fallout. It had a really cool exercise in it that a marriage counselor used to do with couples: he'd make them physically adopt a pose that represented the dynamic of their relationship.
ReplyDeleteSo in your case, you would stand (or sit?) on the floor while your wife, say, stood on a chair. In this position you can't easily kiss or hug or be physically close in any rewarding way; therefore, we can postulate that putting one person on a pedestal means you won't be able to experience true intimacy with them; you can't get close because they're above you. Plus your neck would eventually get cramped from looking up at them: resentment ahoy!
I think a lot of people have that "men are dirtier than women" thing in their heads, btw. I kind of do...well, mostly with the pee thing. But boy pee really does smell way stronger. Either that or Minx drinks a whole lot of ammonia when I'm not looking.
Deleted my comment because I didn't like how I put it. It's my blog, I can make retractions if I want to! :) Of course if anyone subscribes by email this won't help.
ReplyDeleteperversecowgirl, yes, that's the kind of thing that makes me worried about having a pedestal.
ReplyDeleteIn my case, I don't think women are inherently morally or intellectually superior. So as far as I could tell, there's never been an intimacy problem because my pedestal causes me to fail to relate intellectually or emotionally; I feel like I can interact on an equal level in virtually any part of the relationship. It's just the physical cleanness thing. As far as I've been able to notice, that hasn't caused any issues except that it makes me a little hesitant when I'm domming.
As a dominant woman, you've probably seen it quite a bit from the other side; like you said, lots of people feel the men are dirtier thing. Do you only see the problems with intimacy resulting from a man who feels unworthy to interact on an equal level, or is there some subtle way that the cleanness thing specifically messes things up?
In the case of pee, I'm pretty sure that's an individual and diet thing. My wife's pee was always much darker and stronger-smelling than mine because I drink a large amount of water and she drinks a moderate amount of Diet Coke instead. (But it was still "cleaner" in my head 'cause it's girl pee.)
As a dominant woman, I am completely grossed out by subs who approach me with an "I'm a lowly worm and all women are goddesses" mentality. I only want to play with guys who know it's play - and who start out strong and self-possessed so that when I do bend them to my will, I know it's a true tribute to me and me alone.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure the cleanliness thing would be detrimental in and of itself. I mean I think that regarding an entire gender as "better" in any regard is bad and probably dangerous, but can't think of specific examples of how.
Oh - it's dangerous if you're promiscuous (so thank heaven you're not). I have a guy friend who's attracted to men sometimes, but convinced that sex with one will inevitably infect him with AIDS. Meanwhile he has a circle of female friends with whom he has unprotected sex, knowing full well that they're all having sex with other people as well. I kind of want to slap him.