Looking at neuroses

Snips and snails and puppy-dog tails,

That's what little boys are made of.

Sugar and spice and everything nice,

That's what little girls are made of.

As I've talked about a lot, men are neurotic because they are taught that they are gross and ridiculous on the surface. In media aimed at men, even really hot guys are comedy (think the Isaiah Mustapha Old Spice ads, which are great, BTW). The mass media heroes offered to men to identify with frequently start out with no dignity, offered no respect, but may earn respect by slaying a dragon or a building full of terrorists.

Judging by the way women seem to have significantly greater mentally-addressable problems with orgasm than men, it seems like the cultural neurosis is worse for women. Looking at the message to women from outside, it seems they are accorded a dignity from the beginning, but the message says that dignity is a fragile false veneer. The media aimed at little girls offers princesses to identify with, who are all looks and inborn desserts and no accomplishment. Accomplishment is not held out to women as a way to earn respect nearly as much as to men.

The culture teaches women that their respectability is a fragile veneer, I think, because it's easily lost. Without accomplishment, the respectability of the princess character is really a matter of other people's perception. What's the difference between Cinderella as princess and any ragpicker except how she's dressed and how people regard her? Then, of course, there is virginity; presented as of enormous inborn unearned value, superficial and easily lost.

The culture teaches women that their respectability is a false veneer, I think, because of what it teaches about women's genitalia. I've noticed that women are much more neurotic about their genitals than men. I imagine that is learned at menarche. There's generally nothing more embarrassing in polite society than involuntarily emitting fluids, but this is something that normal healthy women do periodically over most of their life. Women retain respectability not because society accepts this, but inasmuch as they successfully hide it. And then there's problem of perception in how arousal works for women. Men aren't embarrassed about getting hard except in inappropriate places or situations. We're pretty happy about a hard cock, in and of itself. Women are frequently embarrassed about a wet pussy in and of itself. Many women see it as messy, something they have to clean up after. Many men see it as the BEST THING IN THE WORLD, but so what? Boys are gross like that.

These different types of neurosis play out very differently during sex. The neurosis for men, that they are inherently gross and unattractive, isn't as harmful during sex because men didn't expect anything different anyway. Men are trained to the idea that they'd best be grateful for what they can get. To get an idea of the extent of this, look at perceptions when male children are sexually abused by women. Bodily fluids, weird faces, and embarrassing noises can be much more easily taken in stride.

In women it must produce inhibition; inhibition about their own enjoyment more than any particular activity. Women are trained that they have this fragile, false veneer of dignity, and they can't let their guard down or it will be shattered. They've been going around their whole life presented by the culture (not necessarily themselves) as being made of sugar, spice, and everything nice, and then when they have sex they've got to admit that enjoying it makes their nethers ooze a mucusy fluid. Then there's the faces and noises to deal with. I'm imagining this is very difficult for someone who had much Disney Princess training early on; and that it explains a lot about why so many women find it difficult to orgasm.