Saturday, October 23, 2010


I wrote a bit about how important volition is to me. I could go on in that vein a long time, I think MOST of my turn-ons are directly tied to the demonstration of volition. The next step up from that, metaphysically, is motivation. It doesn't have the direct tie-in to arousal and pleasure that volition does for me. But it's still important.

I'm really not sure if I would have ever paid for sex if it weren't wrong in my religion. There's a world of difference between "she wants to get me off really hard because she thinks I'm sexy" and "she wants to get me off really hard because there may be a large tip". Volition may be the same in both cases, but motivation isn't.

Volition tends to be a bit more heavily weighted than motivation for me. "She wants to get me off really hard because there may be a large tip" isn't great but it's way better than better motivation without much volition: "She wants to get me off, she guesses, because she loves me, even though she just did it the other freakin' day and won't it EVER be enough?" I have accepted the latter, so perhaps I would have accepted the former. But maybe not too; paying for sex comes with a lot of other problems (some of which I'm extra aware of as a regular blood donor).

Some motivations bother me enough that the volition doesn't matter anymore. Sometimes I'm freaked out when I encounter something that looks, on the surface, just like something I'm into but has a very different motivation. I knew a guy who seemed to be as much into improving technique and being good for his partner as I was, but talking to him I found out that his motivation was predatory. He said something like he loved being able to reduce a really smart woman to an animal level during orgasm. It was pretty horrifying. I didn't want to metaphorically kick him in the teeth for opening up to me, but on the other hand I did have some impulse to kick him in the teeth, unmetaphorically. I said something vague along the lines of I didn't think about it that way, I didn't think of it as a reduction. Since I want to be just as 'reduced' as my partner, I really don't like the idea of anybody thinking that way.

The main motivations I can think of, in order from most sexually attractive to most sexually repellent to me:

^Sexual desire
|Love for a specific person
|Love for people in general (including sexual favors in goodwill)
vDesire for provider/security
^Immediate money
|Desire to possess or 'conquer'
|Desire to reduce
vDesire to manipulate

I put sexual desire above love because this scale is about the sexual attractiveness. Overall, I'd rather be loved than desired, but as far as how I feel when my partner reaches out to touch me the desire does more for me. I don't intend to settle for less than both in a new partner, though sexual desire is fickle and in what I envision as a good relationship love often substitutes.

No comments:

Post a Comment