So, I decided it's time to start looking; at least find out more about who's out there. I signed up for eHarmony and FetLife. My FetLife profile (Mousie762) talks a lot about God, and my eHarmony profile talks about sex and kink. I'm looking for a good match not a quick match.
FetLife has a bunch of very active Christian groups that I've been spending lots of time talking with.
Me and the woman I met at Dorian's, who I will call the Pretty Librarian, do not have a future together, and we've discussed that. Some fundamental incompatibilities. And I've explained about the abstinent until married thing. But we're both having fun with dating. I went to a dance with her, and afterward we went back to her place and watched a movie. Her feet hurt from the shoes she was wearing and so I rubbed them during the movie. No, I don't have so much of a foot fetish that this gets me hot; more that I like massage and like having something to do with my hands during a movie. Then, though it was pretty late and she asked if I wanted to crash there to avoid tired driving, I went home.
If the stereotypes that women don't want sex were true, that sex is something women do for the sake of the other stuff, I would be an awesome date; not only don't I push but I'm not even buying dinner and holding doors and chatting and complimenting for the sake of maybe sex sometime. However, being an awesome date for women who don't want sex could be a negative selection process for what I eventually want.
I seem to seriously compartmentalize my sexuality. It is really repressed now, and generally with people who I'm not starting to think about marrying. And I think I better keep it that way to stay sane during the abstinent dating process; for example I turn my head if anyone goes to kiss me so it lands on my cheek. Is it a sin for me to kiss women passionately who I'm not going to marry? Of course not. Will letting myself get away with whatever isn't a sin to me, make me crazy for what is a sin to me? In this particular situation, yeah.
Also it's a matter of defense-in-depth or safety margins; a failure of willpower means "Oh dear I kissed her" rather than "Oh shit I boned her." There's a whole lot more getting back under control time available between kiss and sex than between heavy petting and sex.
I have to plan this stuff, it's not easy.