I've had a music video I wanted to post for a couple of days, and right now it's particularly apropos. I wanted to post it because I think it's about the sexiest thing I've ever seen. But if there's one thing it does not convey compared to other videos, at least in my opinion, that is "low availability".
Compare with, say, Pink's "U + Ur Hand". The combination of the unavailable song message plus the obvious sexy intent of the video production should match the high attractiveness - low availability formula perfectly. But after watching each I would rather have coffee with Katherine Ellis than be the only man on an otherwise deserted island full of Pink clones. Nothing wrong with singing about wanting to be left alone, but singing about wanting to be left alone while suggestively stroking props with a come-hither look sucks.
What do you come up with if you try to imagine someone who finds the Pink video with the unavailable song message sexy? I come up with nothing good.
There's an interesting contradiction here between what I find attractive, and furthermore likable, and what I offer publicly. Because I think that a man's primary politeness trait is concealing desire and availability. I go way out of my way to either hide desire or strongly indicate unavailability because I assume that my desire is most likely offensive and creepy on its own; and that that offense may be neutralized by indicating my unavailability. Someone wanting to have sex with me makes me like them more even as a friend, as long as I don't get the impression that they are pining and I am torturing them by hanging out with them. Revealing I wanted to have sex with someone else is something I expect to have the opposite effect.
In other news, between Harlem One Stop, And I Try, Insatiable, When You Touch Me, and others, I'm totally in love with Katherine Ellis.
I tend to be more sexually attracted to people when I'm aware of their being sexually attracted to me.
ReplyDeleteHowever, "a deserted island full of Pink clones" sounds something like Heaven.
Ozymandias, if I come across such an island, I'll make sure you're the first to know. For me, I just imagine a really giant chorus of "Keep your drink just give me the money," and nothing could possibly be less sexy.
ReplyDeleteButbutbut hair. And tattoos. And sneer. And lickable stomach. And mmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteAnd besides, she does have songs where she's sexually available. Pink just has a policy of Not Fucking Random Drunk Asshats At Bars, which seems to be an excellent policy to me.
It certainly is an excellent policy. Like I said, nothing wrong with singing about wanting to be left alone. I highly approve of the song (with the minor exception of the line quoted above which seems like a bit of an embarrassment to feminism). I don't particularly like the song because if there's one message I don't need reinforced it's that one, but I approve.
ReplyDeleteI've liked some of her other songs, though not a super lot.
It's only when combined with the come-hither video messaging that I think it sucks ass. It looks like a date-rapist's view of the world.
I'm afraid I also don't like tattoos (apologies to PerverseCowgirl) and I really dislike sneers. The hair is nice, especially the wigs worn in the video, the stomach I can take or leave.
It's not so bad, though, when I find Pink Island you'll have no competition.
Also, maybe this is a happy sign that your bi self is still working.
Maybe I view the video differently, what with me being a vaginaed American, and all. Why shouldn't a woman dress sexy and look attractive, if that's what she wants to do, even if she is unavailable, or just uninterested. Maybe she feels most confident in that type of role, outfit, situation, etc. but doesn't necessarily want every man she meets all up in her face. In my opinion, it's sexist to say/imply that a woman shouldn't look sexy if she isn't available.
ReplyDeleteJune, you will notice if you look back that I very carefully made no mention of how she dressed. 'Cause you know what? That would be OK. It would be OK if she dressed sexy for herself alone, and it would also be OK if she dressed sexy for someone else but not just anybody else.
ReplyDeleteTake another look, especially from about 3:00 onwards. If you do not think almost all of her poses, expressions, the way she's stroking the punching bag, were not deliberately chosen for their sexually inviting connotations, then I guess we have nothing to discuss.
It would be sexist to say a woman shouldn't do that if I thought it would be OK for a man to use a bunch of sexually inviting gestures and looks at a woman, while he was unavailable. I don't think that would be OK.
Imagine yourself single, at a bar. A handsome, well-dressed man is making eye contact, sending you obvious burning glances, posing, stroking the furniture. He's flirting so hard he's chewing the scenery. You like his looks so you walk over and offer to buy him a drink. He says, "Keep your drink, just gimme the money; it's just you and your vibrator tonight." That would suck ass just the same way, and it ain't one bit sexist to say it.
"It would be sexist to say a woman shouldn't do that if I thought it would be OK for a man to use a bunch of sexually inviting gestures and looks at a woman, while he was unavailable. I don't think that would be OK."
ReplyDeleteI think it would be "ok" for either sex to do it, but kinda pointless and stupid. Or not. For example, I'm an incurable flirt. I will freely admit that. I will flirt with anyone, just about anywhere. But, I'm married (they don't need to know that I could be available, should the mood strike me). My husband knows I flirt and is fine with it (obviously) and even enjoys watching. I'm the same way with him. I love to watch him flirt with other women. However, most people think we are "unavailable" so I guess the flirting may seem pointless to some. But, to me, it's just kind of a hobby.
"He says, "Keep your drink, just gimme the money; it's just you and your vibrator tonight." That would suck ass just the same way, and it ain't one bit sexist to say it. "
It would suck a little but I'd also point out that as a Vaginaed American, it never has to be just me and my vibrator, if I don't want it to be.
Flirting varies a lot in the implications. In a lot of cases flirting mostly just makes the other person feel attractive and desired, and I sure see no problem there. When women flirt with me after I make the point that I'm not looking for a new relationship, it feels really good. If someone spent some time flirting and ended it with "I can't, even though I'd like to", that would be a fun time.
ReplyDeleteI guess I don't so much object to the unavailable as the cruel and sarcastic rejection after the flirting.
It would suck a little but I'd also point out that as a Vaginaed American, it never has to be just me and my vibrator, if I don't want it to be.
I don't think I get where you're going here. Your point seems to be that it's sexist for me to object to what amounts to a bait and switch, because for women, easy access to cock makes it less of a disappointment. But I find it hard to believe that that's your actual point. Could you clear that up for me?
"I don't think I get where you're going here. Your point seems to be that it's sexist for me to object to what amounts to a bait and switch, because for women, easy access to cock makes it less of a disappointment. But I find it hard to believe that that's your actual point. Could you clear that up for me? "
ReplyDeleteMy point about sexism was merely that some people think that, unless a woman is available and willing to hook-up, they shouldn't dress/act sexy. The sexism thing didn't really have anything to do with the comment about the "bait and switch". That was more of an aside.
The "bait and switch" is...I don't know if I'd call it cruel. Arrogant and egotistical, definitely. I just wouldn't be too broken up by it. I'd be more likely to think "What a douche" than be upset by the rejection.
Life would be so much easier if everyone had ADD and could more easily follow the conversation I have in my head LOL
I didn't say that very well. That's what I get for posting on pain meds way after my bedtime. I think the tone of P!nk's song makes for a cruel and sarcastic rejection; I don't think it is objectionable to flirt with someone even if it's going nowhere, and a kind and gentle rejection is certainly possible.
ReplyDeleteFull disclosure; fresh from the ego-bruising of an unwanted divorce and various other unpleasant events, I would freaking LOVE someone to flirt with me when we both know it's going nowhere.
My point about sexism was merely that some people think that, unless a woman is available and willing to hook-up, they shouldn't dress/act sexy.
We're in agreement there. Some people think that and they're full of crap. My stipulation is that when you start out knowing your flirting is leading nowhere, you must let the other person down nicely, with compliments if possible, if you are to retain my respect.
Life would be so much easier if everyone had ADD and could more easily follow the conversation I have in my head LOL
You generally make a lot of sense, and that's why I double-checked when you seemed to say something nonsensical. :)
I would freaking LOVE someone to flirt with me when we both know it's going nowhere.
ReplyDeleteHowdy, handsome. *waggles eyebrows suggestively*
Well hi! How are you doing, Sexy Cowgirl?
ReplyDelete