Sunday, January 15, 2012

Back to zero

Rook put in a good word for me about my New Year's Eve kiss thing with the pretty poly girl mentioned previously here and here. So that brings me back to zero cases in my life where a woman has done anything sexual in nature with me just based on my looks. Except maybe when a girl slapped my ass in passing in college. I am grateful that Rook did this because otherwise it just would have been the girl who rode with me, and since I was going for "anyone interested in the whole building" that would have been sad. But still, I'm feeling a bit like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football.

The zero number, really, is the fault of my behavior. I am so focused on being nice, nonthreatening, not a tease, that I come off as extremely reserved. Nobody's going to try anything at all, given my attitude. And I'll try to remember that, rather than focusing on zero.


  1. I think you're probably falling into the problem a lot of nice/geeky straight guys do: the guy is really shy, and the girls think he's cute but are firmly convinced he doesn't like them That Way, because of how quiet he is.

    Also, I've only been hit on twice purely because of my looks and not a single one of them was an experience I'd like to repeat. I think "looks AND ALSO SOME OTHER THING" is a lot more common and enjoyable flirtation than just looks: the "just looks" people are the ones who get drunk and attempt to buy one T-shirts.

  2. I think I have a variation on that problem. No one could exactly call me shy given how often I go up to strangers, especially women alone, and start conversations. Yet I do have a peculiar reserve, and I think that I do indeed firmly convince people that I don't like them That Way because of that reserve. I'll talk about sex very easily, but it's always in terms that are intended as nonthreatening to the person I'm talking to. I use language that subtly excuses them as objects of my desire, which is also language that excludes them. I guess the result in their ears is probably "I think women are hot, except you, you just seem nice."

  3. Oh, also, "looks AND ALSO SOME OTHER THING" is far superior, really. Especially for a guy like me who isn't really going to do much with anybody I don't marry. It's just that part of me attributes it all to the other thing; I wish someone would appreciate me just for my looks once even if it was creepy and weird because then I'd feel much more like my looks were worth something to someone, like I did a week ago.