Saturday, August 14, 2010

Male orgasm

Busy and fun day today; hung out with friends and watched Zombieland, which I hadn't seen yet. Here's another post that's basically lifted straight from one of my comments somewhere else.

This is my attempt to describe orgasm; at least one man's version.

The actual physical sensations of orgasm are for me mostly the sensations of ejaculation; but with orgasm they are magnified and feel wonderful, whereas without they feel uncomfortable and kinda icky. It's very much like a welcome vs. unwelcome touch; nerves report the same thing but it feels totally different.

Like any man, the head of my cock is the most sensitive part, sometimes too sensitive. (I was circumcised as an infant and mildly regret it). As I approach and anticipate orgasm I prefer a different touch; I want firm pressure as far down the shaft as possible, even behind my balls if that can be arranged. I feel as if my ejaculate is going to stretch out my penis like how in a cartoon firehose, a lump of water travels along creating a wide spot as it goes, and I want the outside enveloped, contained, not allowing that to happen. This is more evocative than accurate; it's really hard to describe, and that firehose image never occurred to my conscious mind until I tried to describe the feeling. Touch on the head doesn't matter to me one way or the other at that point.

As it arrives, I thrust with my hips, clench my ass cheeks, and push with constant pressure to get and stay as deep as possible. That's instinctive: I always do that even if it doesn't make a difference, e.g. handjob, unless I'm consciously trying not to, e.g. blowjob. I feel a feeling of heat and pressure deep inside my loins, in what I guess is my prostate, and that shoots out through my loins out along the length of my cock. I feel it most in the deeper parts, the base of the shaft behind my balls and inside. It feels incredibly good. It feels like the cartoon firehose, except it isn't a discrete lump of water but an expansion with the farthest point travelling along; the pressure inside stays high when the first semen is past that point. As I said the more it's contained the better it feels, matching pressure from inside and outside. (But note that a real blockage is awful; while masturbating as a child I once tried pinching the head to ease cleanup and that was painful and miserable.)

At the same time, I arch my back and neck, rolling my head back, close my eyes, and I make noises like a shouting moan or a groaning shout, and I tend to briefly clench my jaws. I make faces that I've been told are sexy, but I don't know what they look like.

As the orgasm passes, I stop enjoying touch on the head but I kind of need touch on the shaft; not too active. In a handjob, at that time, being let go seems like the worst fate imaginable; even after the orgasm is totally gone I like being held.

Afterwards, I feel warm, relaxed, tired, and very touchy and clingy. Assuming she's also orgasmed and isn't actively looking for more, I especially like to touch my partner in sexual but not too intense ways; spooning her and cupping her breasts but not playing with a nipple, for example. I love to stroke her; shoulders, back, thighs, hair. I don't like it if she starts to talk about something else right away; talking about sex or love is great, talking about her coworkers or her schedule for the week or how she'd like to remodel the living room is not.

I have the impression that it's less intense than a female orgasm. For me, the orgasm is the climax of the story, and the story is no good without a climax, but the story is the point, and a longer story is almost always better. I've gotten the impression from women that their orgasm is more a goal, the point of all the other activity. Could be those are reactions to popular stereotypes or just individual differences.

EDIT: With my wife, I almost always made sure she orgasmed first if it wasn't going to be simultaneous; and some hangups discussed in this TMI post meant it was rarely simultaneous. If, for a woman, the orgasm is really the point of the exercise, basically it was over for her then she had some work to do to produce an orgasm for me. That might explain a lot. I wish she would have been willing to discuss things with me the way I'm discussing them with the Web. Looking back I'm seeing a number of problems I likely created with the best of intentions and a lack of input and feedback.


  1. That might explain a lot. I wish she would have been willing to discuss things with me the way I'm discussing them with the Web.

    It would, and that willingnes does help a long-term sexual relationship a lot.

    If the orgasm were the only goal, why not just masturbate? What you describe as your desire for the rest of the session post orgasm is what I'd describe as physical intimacy, which... if not for that, what is even the point of partnered sex?

    I would experience an "orgasm, I'm done" without more and at least the hugging/stroking/cuddling part as hurtfully distancing.

  2. Editing this because I accidentally made her sound worse than she was.

  3. LabRat, I wanted to cuddle and either not talk or talk about sex, love, us. She wanted to talk about what was on her mind; I think she was fairly indifferent to the cuddling later in the relationship. I found what was on her mind to be jarring at that time, generally something to do with her work.

  4. I have heard radio psychiatrists say that women being better multitaskers, it's normal for them to be thinking about something else. I never adjusted to the idea of hearing about her plans for the next day's meetings right after sex, I felt like she didn't care.

    The worst example for me was mornings when I'd lick her clit in a quickie and avoid orgasm myself because the relaxed feeling would reliably make me late for work. I had a mustache full of pheromones, an erection, and a naked woman; she wanted to talk about her work plans. At that time I was always desperate for touch, acknowledgement, an indication that she found me sexy, that she'd like to reciprocate. She'd say something along the lines of "thanks, that was great", and move on. I wanted to talk about interesting things we could do sexually when we both had time together. And I really wanted a little sexy touch, even if orgasm wouldn't work for me. I told her that several times, but it didn't happen.

    Eventually I started using the desire as an excuse to leave, saying the temptation was difficult; it was easier for me to clear out than chat the same way as if there'd been no sex.

  5. Oh, Mousie, I'm sorry. I got here from Holly's place. Your ex sounds a lot like mine and you sound a lot like me. Your third comment brought back all the desperation and rejection I used to feel.