At this point, I'm feeling a little angry and betrayed by the way my ex treated me. A few days before I looked her up on FetLife, I was dropping off something she wanted from the house. She said she'd be there all day, then when I asked if she'd like to have lunch with me, she said she was going to visit family that afternoon. She mentioned that maybe she'd like to have lunch with me two weekends later, if she wasn't needed for some moonlighting work. Those struck me as so much of her pattern; you are very important to me, maybe I will have time for you later if something more important to me doesn't intervene. I felt that I was done with her at that point, I just had enough. Since then I have not felt inclined to contact her, though I still respond when she contacts me.
Saturday, she will be having a party celebrating a super-important career step she recently made. I will be attending for a short time, probably less than an hour because of her cats, which I am allergic to.
I want to show nothing but love and encouragement to her, but I'm not feeling it like I usually do for the people around me. I'm mostly feeling done with her, and unfortunately there's even some resentment of the achievement (I was deeply looking forward to that in the marriage because that removes much of the pressure from her career.) Please send encouragement that I will show enthusiasm and detached love for my ex who is pretty much out of my life at this point, for the sake of this celebration; if you're the praying kind, please pray that I will feel and convey the love of Christ.