When I was with my ex, I controlled my sexuality in two ways:
1) I saved it entirely for her. Her last husband cheated on her so I always acted as if she might be extra sensitive about that.
2) As I've mentioned here before, with her lack of openness about sex I controlled, or repressed, everything that I thought she might feel was too demanding. (with the opposite result that I'd intended.)
Last week involved a lot of thinking how to politely and kindly deflect some offers. It seems, logically enough, that as my confidence comes back I get more attention, which boosts my confidence. Now, with the attention I've been getting lately, to which I'm quite unaccustomed, I no longer feel like my kinks are too demanding; I'm feeling more like they are what they are, you have to mostly accept them if you happen to want me. (Don't worry, I'm not going to get egotistical; I'll never forget for example that most women prefer skinny pretty guys to my type.)
I feel like so much of my sexuality was boxed up and stuck in the attic, and I'm only now taking the box down and looking through it. Sure, I remembered it, but it wasn't present and active. To choose a fairly vanilla example, I've barely looked at softcore porn based on photographs of naked women posing. I always got too hung up on the idea that they couldn't concieveably be interested. Now I still don't think any porn stars would be interested, but I don't get so hung up on that as to be unable to fantasize. And the kinks; it used to be that hentai (unreal and so less unattainable) of footjobs was what I went too almost all the time. Now I'm enjoying some of the other stuff I really haven't got anything from in years.