A few weeks ago a couple of people contacted me on OKCupid and after I made certain they understood that I wasn't ready for a romantic relationship, I've been emailing back and forth. And that's taken up all my writing time. But, that's not the discovery.
This morning, sitting at home sick and fuzzy-headed from a cold, I decided on impulse to look up my ex's profile on FetLife. Wasn't hard. I use my face on my FetLife profile, so I imagine she's seen mine if she bothered to look. It's possible she could read this blog because until just now I used the same name on both places. But I strongly doubt it, I don't think she's that interested.
So, I learned a fair bit; her and the new guy write a lot together and post a lot of pictures. She's kinkier than me, though I always held back because she wouldn't open up; our sex life was much less kinky than either of us are. I always thought I was kinkier than her, because I was always the one suggesting things! I do wish she had told me, I would have done so much more for her. But, in the end, I think she'll be much happier with him. The main thing that makes me happy is that he sounds like he respects and values her greatly, which is a huge relief; so many in that kind of relationship come off as rather contemptuous in their writings. (And she him.) That makes me happy, though it's a happiness tinged with melancholy. Good luck to you two, and whatever others come into your life! (the relationship is somewhat open)
At least now I understand more of the why. And I guess being too vanilla is sort of another blow to my ego, but not really a bad one. Eh, it's what I like. It's better by far than for an unspecified reason. The dates on the writings start very soon after she left me, and before she initiated divorce proceedings. So, she left me partly for me, and partly for him. That's another relief to my ego. And now when people ask I can say she left me for another guy, which is much easier than "she couldn't really explain".