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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I hate me

Well, I told that sweet, kind, loving woman who thought the world of me that I wasn't feeling desire for her or anyone else. After basically leading her on by overestimating myself and believing I could feel desire where I should have. And failing. And I inflicted wounds I have no power to heal on that heart that has already suffered so much. And telling her this truth was the only thing I could do, but I hate myself because of what the truth was.

She tried to get me to promise not to beat myself up about this, but I knew I couldn't keep that promise.

8 comments:

  1. I really wish you were closer to us. You sound like you really need a hug.

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  2. (((Internet hug)))

    It's gonna be okay.

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  3. You did a far, far better thing for her than you would've by staying and faking an attraction. She may not be conventionally good-looking but somewhere out there I believe there's someone who would genuinely want her - and now she's free to find him.

    When I was single and dating, most guys would just disappear on me rather than actually telling me they'd lost interest, let alone telling me why. I would far rather have heard a painful truth and known we wouldn't see each other again than sit by the phone with a creeping sense of dread.

    So...you absolutely did the right thing.

    And I think the fact that you feel no desire for anyone supports my theory that you need to take some alone-time to finish mourning your divorce before you seek a new partner. Seriously, I've been through about a dozen breakups of varying degrees in the past six years or so; by now I've got the healing process down to a science.

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  4. ...Oh! I see from a previous post that you already agree with me on that last point. I gotta check in here more often...I got out of the habit during your recent long lapse in posting.

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  5. Still with us Mousie? This last post makes me feel the need to check up on you.

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  6. Oh, yeah, I see, sorry. I'm still around, thanks.

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