Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I hate me

Well, I told that sweet, kind, loving woman who thought the world of me that I wasn't feeling desire for her or anyone else. After basically leading her on by overestimating myself and believing I could feel desire where I should have. And failing. And I inflicted wounds I have no power to heal on that heart that has already suffered so much. And telling her this truth was the only thing I could do, but I hate myself because of what the truth was.

She tried to get me to promise not to beat myself up about this, but I knew I couldn't keep that promise.


  1. I really wish you were closer to us. You sound like you really need a hug.

  2. (((Internet hug)))

    It's gonna be okay.

  3. You did a far, far better thing for her than you would've by staying and faking an attraction. She may not be conventionally good-looking but somewhere out there I believe there's someone who would genuinely want her - and now she's free to find him.

    When I was single and dating, most guys would just disappear on me rather than actually telling me they'd lost interest, let alone telling me why. I would far rather have heard a painful truth and known we wouldn't see each other again than sit by the phone with a creeping sense of dread. absolutely did the right thing.

    And I think the fact that you feel no desire for anyone supports my theory that you need to take some alone-time to finish mourning your divorce before you seek a new partner. Seriously, I've been through about a dozen breakups of varying degrees in the past six years or so; by now I've got the healing process down to a science.

  4. ...Oh! I see from a previous post that you already agree with me on that last point. I gotta check in here more often...I got out of the habit during your recent long lapse in posting.

  5. Still with us Mousie? This last post makes me feel the need to check up on you.

  6. Oh, yeah, I see, sorry. I'm still around, thanks.