Kinky And Popular

For a while now, I've been keeping an eye on the Kinky And Popular feature on FetLife. It's a list of pictures that some secret algorithm decides are popular, probably based on things like views, comments, people bookmarking it as "loved".

To get on there as a woman, you generally have to be slim, pretty, conventionally attractive, though not necessarily. I'm sure there's lots of diet, exercise, makeup, hairstyling generally involved. And you mostly have to be posing in a sexual way or doing something at least a little kinky; for your best chances, with another woman.

To get on there if you're a man, you have a few choices, listed from commonest to least common.

If there is a man involved in the action at all, you can be a faceless prop, attached to the cock being sucked, or the (invisible) face being peed on, by the woman who is the focus.

You can do all the stuff the women do, plus present as/identify as a woman and (usually) take female hormones to develop breasts.

Or, once, I've seen a cis man as the focus. A pair of cis men, actually. Shirtless men in jeans and striking ballerina poses (I do not believe that pose is typical of a ballerino) using the handrail in a dance studio. Clearly going for comedy by their expressions. Making a joke of themselves aspiring to the beauty or attractiveness the women can. (If you're on Fet, it's this one.) I do think it's good that we joke about it.

It's really difficult for a woman to be the focus; requires good genes, work, and more than anything else, luck. But a man can only do it by all that plus altering his body and gender identity to become a woman, or rarely, mocking his own inadequacy in a woman's domain.

Men don't usually talk about this kind of thing because we don't want to be seen as complaining. We're tough. But I think people should be aware of it because it underlies a lot of the differences in cis male and female behavior; this is just one example of a pervasive phenomenon. Can you name any female supermodels? Any male ones?

This is not the fault of women; it's because it's men doing most of the clicking and commenting. Men write most of the screenplays I see which have the same prejudice built in. Men write the commercials and jokes that mock men who try to be unapologetically sexy.

I've heard people on FetLife complain that so many doms are sociopaths, who care nothing for the feelings of others. Given an environment that says men can't be really sexy, how does one get the confidence to be a dom without being a sociopath, unless one is domming to compensate for feelings of insecurity and inadequacy?

I do not aspire to be on Kinky and Popular, I don't post kinky pics. But there are a lot of cis men who do, and I'd love to see one of them make it someday.