I'm still not dead! I decided to keep from focusing on the fact that I am alone, I needed something else to focus on, some specific purpose to my existence; so I've been trying to make the people around me a little bit happier. I made potroast for the Progressive Gun Fan, who just got back surgery, and Rook. Helped a friend move, scheduled myself to give massages Saturday and Sunday. I'm trying to keep up friendships with the various women who contacted me while my OKCupid profile was still up, though I've explained that it's not going anywhere. All this has left me with even less writing time than before.
Apropos of both things, I am always at my most lonely and feeling most like a loser New Year's Eve, when I am usually surrounded by married couples kissing. Instead of finding myself a date, I thought, I can't be the only one. So, I made a suggestion in the Dorian's Parlor group on FetLife that people going to Dorian's NYE wear a red bow (like on a Christmas present) that indicates the willingness to kiss anyone who asks all evening (people with bad history excepted, e.g. bad exes and stalkers.) I will be wearing one. And I'm quite nervous that no one will take me up on it. And the fact that I'm nervous about going to a party where, perhaps, no one will kiss me makes me feel like a teen girl in an After School Special. Commander Badass would not approve. (Jared would understand, though.) At least I actually posted the idea rather than obliquely chickening out by just thinking about it until it was too late.