Rook is one of the people who have stayed close to me, my ex, and her new guy the Saturnine Thespian. After she and her husband finished telling me about the 6-person orgy they were involved in recently [which I mention so you'll know why Rook hears more about people's kinks than most people do], I brought up my theory of lack of objectification being part of the problem with my ex. Rook confirmed it strongly and told me that my ex was really into consensual non-consent; something I'd been suspecting for a while now since she left. While I never asked "Are you into consensual non-consent?", I asked so many times what my ex wanted, what she was into, and she never answered.
How much misery and (on my part) suicidal depression could have been avoided if she'd just had the guts to answer honestly? How much joy could have resulted? Ain't my favorite thing, but if she had told me JUST ONCE, I could have started acting the part and reading the nonverbal signals at least some of the time. But as a comedian I'm too lazy to look up said, "I'm not going to fucking rape you on the off chance you're into that shit." [UPDATE: PerverseCowgirl points out it was Louis CK.]
Fuck. Years of mutual heartache over some embarrassment. How the hell can it be more embarrassing to say it than to play it, anyway?