Over at Svutlana's someone asked a question that gave me what I think was a great idea that I'm going to repost here.
A woman wrote in saying her husband had suddenly bought a strap-on and asked her to do some BDSM play with him as bottom. She was horrified, and said How could I be married to this man for fifteen years with two children and what I thought was a good normal sex life and have no idea that he was thinking about this!!!???
I think that's all too common. People do not share their fantasies with their loved ones because they are embarrassed, they feel like their loved ones will be horrified. Sometimes they're right, especially because their loved ones will feel pressured to fulfill the fantasies. Often I wanted to actually do things less than I wanted my wife to accept me and love me as a person who fantasized about those things.
So I thought of Dark Sexy Secret Sharing Time. I intend to ask my wife to do this with me when I remarry.
Set aside a regular time for sexy fantasy sharing. The stipulation should be that sharing it is NOT a request or suggestion; you will never try something you heard about this way unless you hear about it again some other way. You should be able to share fantasies that you never want to try in real life, that are too weird or creepy or problematic, without having to explain which ones are which. The purpose is to allow the listener to listen and accept without feeling pressured; if you're the listener, remember this is nothing you have to do. And to allow the teller to be able to share things without feeling embarrassed or feeling like they're pressuring the listener; remember this is nothing they have to do.
To make it sexy and encourage the teller, the listener should slowly gently be masturbating the teller; and asking questions, making encouraging hot noises, talking along with it. If it's a submissive sort of fantasy perhaps the listener can demand the teller tell; if a dominant fantasy, plead with the teller to tell. After the fantasy finishes, the listener should finish up, bringing the teller to orgasm. The listener sitting behind the teller embracing them might work well, especially if the listener occasionally wants to hide the look on their face.
It may be all one way. Sometimes only one partner will have fantasies they'd like to share that way. But I think it would make me feel much closer.