I was thinking about threesome fantasies recently. Now, I'm monogamous by religion, but I like to understand myself. I don't really have them the way most men do. I'm totally uncomfortable with the idea of me with two women. The ways that could go in my head are:
1) one woman is not getting enough attention at any given time, or
2) it's a lesbian scene burdened with a third wheel.
I'm actually much more comfortable with the idea of me and another man with a woman. This is not the uncomfortable realization, I've known I could be socially bi for a long time, and it doesn't bother me. Dicks don't attract me, but they don't gross me out either, and I could cheerfully blow another man as a show for a woman I loved, or team up in a variety of other ways to get her off. I'm straight because I have no desire for men, not because I think they're repulsive. I was meaning to post on this but never got around to it, though I've mentioned it in passing before.
There's a massive double standard in my head here. I could be socially bi and be happy to be performing for a woman. Two women couldn't for me, because they deserve more. We wouldn't be exploited because turning her on is an honor, they would be exploited because they are so much better than that.
It suddenly connected with a whole pattern of these double standards in my kinks and in my life.
I have a dominant side but my submissive side has been enormously more active for years. Very many of my kinks run to the emphasis of a woman's worth over mine. The footworship. The pussy worship and cunnilingus. The fear of P-in-V that doesn't get her off. My total hesitance at the idea of her pussy being used for anything but getting her off.
There's my feelings that women are somehow inherently cleaner and better.
There's my feelings that men are unattractive and women are more attractive even to other women.
There's my feelings that I want a girl that society might call ugly; I feel like a girl 2 is a match for a guy 8 (Or something like that I have no interest in the numbering scheme).
There's how scared I am of accidentally indicating (or, in fact, revealing) any sexual interest in a woman lest it be creepy or offensive or scary.
There's how very, very badly I hate rapists.
There's how torn up I am by mean words from a woman indicating I'm a bad man.
There's my feelings about earning; I'm totally uncomfortable with a woman earning more than me, because to be her equal in a relationship I have contribute more money.
There's my chivalry; I hold doors, and carry packages, and handle gross stuff, and partly it's to make up for how I was born.
There's how I sometimes wish I could live life over as a woman.
I am ashamed of being a man, and a lot of my life is shaped around making up for being born male.
It's something I've obviously known on some level for a long time, while it's been shaping me. I just never recognized it until now. Even the exceptions prove the rule. I object so strongly to the kind of domme that implies men are worms because it strikes an answering chord that my intellect denies.
I am intellectually unhappy with this idea.
UPDATE: I am intellectually unhappy; I do not approve. Neither gender is inferior or superior. But I'm not emotionally torn up about this. Emotionally it's old news, and I can remember feeling this way as a preteen. Bringing it out in the open, facing it and naming it, isn't going to harm me.