Probably going to be some stream of conciousness on this blog, then I'll have said it all and shut up. I don't want to worry you all, I'll survive this. I just need to vent. It's the problem that's been getting to me recently; my heart is still attached even though my head is not. I don't want to make anyone think I'm an stalking obsessive. For example, I've known she was on FetLife for months, and how to find her, and I didn't look till a virus-induced impulse this morning. Just now I checked my email, hoping for a distraction, and she'd sent me a link to an photo album of a documentary shoot the new guy borrowed some stuff from me for. She contacts me more often than I her. Admittedly, when I contact her, I often ask if she wants to get together; whereas when she contacts me it's usually because she wants something she left here. Anyway, I'm not stalking.
Despite the high-minded thoughts in the last post, I'm a mess. I was feeling lonely before, especially because I've been sick at home and haven't spoken to another human since Tuesday. Now, turmoil and heartache.
Happiness for her happiness is going to win. I'm going to fucking MAKE it win. I am stronger than this.
"Master, which is the great commandment in the law?"
Jesus said unto him, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
"This is the first and great commandment.
"And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
"On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."
Matthew 22:36-40, KJV