Friday, January 7, 2011

Preferences 2

I finally got a massage table (through Craigslist), and sent out an email to some friends asking for volunteers to help me brush off my rusty skills. (I can't do extended work on the floor anymore due to bad knees, and a bed is lousy, and my ex always sounded indifferent when I brought up the idea of getting a table.) The friends are three married couples. The three women unbeknownst to me were having a girl's night and invited me to it. So I get to work on all three of them; Rook, Sparkly Girl, and Determined Girl (who I referred to as N. here and who was really hard to pick a name for).

The fact is that they're the three most attractive women in the world to me. This isn't primarily because of their looks; I think their weight loss goals range from 50 to 140 pounds, and I don't have a preference for BBWs. I like the looks of this girl a lot but just working by looks I like this girl a little better. (Both via Sex Is Not The Enemy, and both awfully young but it's harder to find pictures near my age.) The three women I'll be working on are the most attractive to me because I like their looks, and I like their personalities, and they've each shared a certain amount about their positive sexualities, and they like me. Ironically, one of these three most attractive women, Determined Girl, has a problem in her marriage because she's too insecure about her weight to wear the latex/PVC stuff her husband is into; and I'd pay to see her in it. I don't know how to tell her that without being creepy though.

It's partly a consequence of spending years with a woman who was beautiful but wouldn't talk about sex (at least after we were married). It's kind of ironic that I didn't pick her for her beauty; the decision point was when my ex said yes to a question about rimming that Determined Girl said no to. I regarded it as a litmus test question then, determining her comfort level with allowing a man to be intimate with her body (which I wouldn't think now.) And it turned out she didn't want me to rim her after we were actually married anyway.

Even before I had a pretty broad range of looks I was attracted to, but that's been massively reinforced by the experience. Even before when I looked for porn I was frustrated by being able to pick (for example) blonde or brunette categories but not happy smile category. (I always wanted help imagining the model was actually into what she was doing.) Now instead of having a narrow set of looks-based turn-ons, which you hear about pretty often, I have a narrow set of looks-based turn-offs. Probably another part of the source for this is that one of my sisters worked as a clothing model for a bit; as a consequence model beauty does not seem such a big deal to me.

Since one of my biggest turn-ons now is the ability and inclination to talk about sex, I am massively attracted to sexbloggers. They are the supermodels of my world. I would absolutely no hesitation no question rather have a night with most sexbloggers than with any model, movie star, or porn star in the world.*

This isn't a brag. I don't think it's any less superficial to be massively focused on a woman's sexual preferences than on her boobs; both are just part of the sex experience. But there are a lot of women who, like Determined Girl, are insecure about their looks, and I want them to know that there are men out there who will LIKE their looks. In my case, as long as they're paired with a sexuality that's a good match for mine. I'm not the only guy I know who thinks this way, either.


*The exceptions that make it "most" are the sexbloggers who seem rather exclusively into things I'm not. Also, it's just in a theoretical sense, this is the abstinent sexblog after all. Except if you take "a night with" in a more literal and platonic sense, that's actual, I would totally be into really going out for a drink with the aforementioned sexbloggers.


  1. That's why I love Sex Is Not The Enemy. Proud people having happy sex!

    It is always very awkward telling people they're attractive in a non-sexual way. I always have this problem with incredibly hot women who want to lose twenty pounds. There is simply no socially acceptable way to shake them and say "you are such a hotass, don't worry about it, anyone would be lucky to date you."

  2. Essentially everybody I know who's willing to talk about such things prefers porn where the people actually look like they're enjoying themselves over porn where the people are technically hotter but look like they're doing what they are: a job. All of them consider the former much harder to find than the latter and lament in the issue in mainstream porn. Hell, I even keep some porn for kinks I'm not into around because kink porn performers are sometimes more likely to be doing it because the whatever *does* turn *them* on and they look it.

    So why doesn't the market reflect that?

  3. So why doesn't the market reflect that?

    Probably because it's enormously harder to hire for and film. It's easy to hire a couple of people who look good and throw them together, it's hard to get a pair that has good chemistry when surrounded by cameras and production crew. And the market doesn't drive it as much as it could because it's hard to Google.

  4. Mousie, I'd totally have a beer with you. Just sayin'.

  5. Thanks Clint! Likewise. Email me if you find yourself traveling to PA.