Glamer Problem

That's not a misspelling; it's one of the ways they spelled 'glamour' when it still meant a magic spell rather than high fashion.

On my birthday, in early July, Sparkly Girl gave me a framed photo of me with four of my female friends around me. She told me it was a reminder of some of the women that adore me. Every girl that has actually gone out for me has fallen for me; the longer it's gone the harder they've fallen. My current girlfriend, and the one before, have both spontaneously called me both 'Mr. Awesome' and 'Mr. Wonderful'. I've realized that I've become one of those people that just has something about them. I've know women who had the same thing; almost every guy loved them, though there were other women around who were just as nice, or prettier.

But this effect made a problem for me when I tried to date around, meet girls. My OKCupid profile said that I wanted to meet lots of people and keep it strictly platonic. My girlfriend, the very first girl that I went on a date with, told me that by the second date, she knew she was jumping with both feet; it might lead to heartbreak, but she thinks I'm worth the risk. Now there's kind of an enthusiasm gap. I like her, there's not a thing wrong with her, but she's not my perfect girl. I don't feel as much enthusiasm as I did meeting my second wife*. And I don't feel as much enthusiasm as she does.

The failure of my platonic plan was my fault, of course. And I contributed to it in lots of ways. One way was that I got carried away by someone who really likes me sexually. At the end of the second date, we were out at our cars, and she was looking at me rather starry-eyed. I said, I'd really like to kiss you now. She said, So kiss me then. I did and she responded hard; ending up leaning bonelessly back against her car, panting and groaning, head back, just from her response to the way I kiss and neck. Those of you who have know what it's like to feel undesirable can imagine the effect on me. I felt ten feet tall and shining.

The glamer seems to work on kids too. She, her six-year-old daughter, and I went to the mountains for a weekend recently. At the end of the trip, her daughter started shouting at her mother, "Marry him! Marry him!" So now I'm in a position to break two hearts instead of one, if it doesn't work out; and I can't see any way out without breaking both hearts. It makes me feel like I'm already committed to marry after only a few months, because I can't see a path out if I decide I want one.

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* Though it turned out a lot of those things I loved about my second wife were only to impress people rather than to actually use for a loved one; like the fancy cooking was only for parties never for home.

For fans of androgynous guys

Happened to come across this, sorry for the "bizarre" tag but I think the pictures are nice for fans of androgynous guys: http://xaxor.com/bizarre/male-models-looking-like-women.html#6858

Guilt

So the woman from here heard from "a friend" that I was in a relationship a few days ago, and send me a congratulations message at 12:30 at night. Last night she saw me in a restaurant with my girlfriend, and texted me to say she saw me come in. This morning I got this:

Thing is... In the back of my mind I hoped someday I would measure up. I shouldn't have fooled myself on that either. I still have no clue why you bothered to make a show of "picking" me over the other two you were seeing. At least now you're not settling for someone less attractive.

I said,

I'm very sorry. I meant it at the time, and I never meant it to hurt you. I'm just shallower than I thought I was. I hope you find someone better than me who appreciates your looks as well as your heart.

She replied,

Yeah... I should have known better than to think I was good enough in the first place, lesson learned.

I guess I don't know what to say. It was a year ago yesterday that I told her I wasn't attracted enough to her, we dated for about three months, we never had sex and I never met her kids. I feel like she must be trying to make me feel guiltier at this point. What do you think? Is there anything I can say that will make all this better instead of worse?

Dating someone

Sorry for so little posting. I'm dating someone, we really hit it off big. Our first date, we met at 6, closed down the restaurant and moved to a coffee place, closed that down and sat at one of their outdoor tables until after 2 in the morning. Our next two dates were longer, our fourth we set a curfew because we had work. I've been short of sleep almost every day for about a month now, though I'm having a great time. So there's not too much time to post. But, things are happy. One thing I noticed; my dominant side shows far more with a woman who is aggressively interested than with a woman who's more passive. My ex showed little interest and eventually only got my submissive side. With a woman who verbally invited the first kiss (on the second date) and took the initiative to grind up on me on the dance floor on the third date, my dominant side shows up a lot, which she enjoys a whole lot, as she's said clearly. Communication is awesome.

Nonverbal but unequivocal in a relationship

I had an idea for something that seems like it would be fun in a marriage or other relationship where at least one partner likes the other to take control without asking sometimes. Get a piece of jewelry that can go with almost anything, like maybe a pin, and make a verbal agreement that you'll wear it only when you want your partner to initiate or take control or take you or use you or whatever variation floats your boat. Seems like a nice compromise between the need for communication and the need for silent acquiescence that some people feel.

Keeping very busy with nice things

I'm keeping very busy with nice things.  Work, dance classes, social stuff with friends.

I've been spending a lot of time writing, because when I meet someone nice through OKCupid or something I like to try to stay friends with them even if we don't think romance is an option.  As people have been added to that list I've ended up with a bunch of emails to write daily.

No dates so far, though.  My OKC profile is pretty open and I'm a peculiar guy, definitely not for everyone, so this is unsurprising.  Also, I'm kind of picky, and intend to stay that way.

More on the Murre theme.

Saturday night, at my usual steampunk/neovictorian event (unnamed this time because it occurred to me I don't want to appear on a Google search for that), I was talking with one of the vendors for a while.  She was telling me about some performance in Boston she attended where they ripped up a Bible, with the obvious expectation I would approve.

Next morning in church I was telling my pastor how I go to a regular costume event where people wear neovictorian clothing, and he was telling me how weird I was.  But, he said, it's what makes me me, so it's OK.  Later I was arguing with one of my Christian friends about referring to a trans woman as she when she's not there to hear it, me taking the "call her what she wants" approach and him taking the "wrong genitals" approach.

Sometimes I really do feel like an alien everywhere.  As a Christian though, I should be expecting that.  In the end, this world is not my home.

To be fair, I spend most of Saturday night hanging out with two pleasant, nice, beautiful, (married,) belly dancers, one of whom is an Christian.  So that was a very nice evening, and I expect we will continue being friends in the future.  And Sunday, another of my Christian friends was agreeing with me about the use the pronoun the person referred to prefers.  I really shouldn't complain.  It just seems like there have been a whole lot of these episodes recently, like every time I go to a steampunk event.

Also a confession: Saturday night, the vendor had a cold and packed up early, but when she packed up I was enjoying myself chatting with the belly-dancers and it didn't even occur to me that I should have offered to help her schlep her stuff to her car.  It probably would have if I were feeling warmer towards her, which I would have been if not for the Bible-ripping comment.