I've mentioned here that I haven't found anyone but my ex really that physically desirable in person; I have a mental block created for the purpose of loyalty to her that I can't really get rid of right now. Likely for the best. So I decided that I'd like to apply that to her; if there's anybody in the world for whom my desire would really fuck me up, it's her. So I pondered that for a while, and it seems to have worked. I saw her twice recently, at my birthday party (I invited her and her boyfriend, but only she could make it) and at a costume event this Saturday, where she was with her boyfriend and wearing the steampunk costume that she never wore for me that I used to think was was so hot. It seems to have worked; there was nothing, which is definitely for the best. I still think it's a hot costume, and I still think she's an attractive woman, but now I don't feel anything about either; they are irrelevant to me in sexual terms.
Sometimes we make our crazy work for us. :)
When I first got divorced, I had a few months where it was almost impossible to orgasm. Then I bought a book about how to get over breakups (It's called Rebuilding, and I highly recommend it) and learned that this is perfectly normal.
ReplyDeleteOr rather, the book says that the breakup of a long-term relationship will usually make a woman's sex drive disappear and a man impotent (which to me implies that his drive is there but there are technical difficulties). So I'm a perfectly normal dude.
Anyway it was comforting to know that it's a common issue.
I wonder, too, whether sexual issues are more likely to happen to people like us who were seriously deprived during our marriages; maybe our mental blocks are stronger than some people's because there was more temptation/incentive to cheat.
Anyway, here's a link to the book: http://www.amazon.com/Rebuilding-Relationship-Books-Divorce-Beyond/dp/1886230692/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311007583&sr=8-1
Glad to see a post, Mousie. After all the painful stuff, I was starting to worry about you (not that I don't, anyway).
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself, first. Read the book, make sure you stay connected with friends, make new friends, try new hobbies. Eventually, you'll be ready, and God will set someone in your path who's exactly right for you, and you'll be exactly right for her. That makes the work that goes into maintaining a relationship easier and well worth it.
Thanks for the link, PerverseCowgirl! I will order the book.
ReplyDeleteHeroditus, I'm pretty much OK except for my tendency to accept and accumulate guilt like a damp-skinned newt crawling through dust bunnies.
ReplyDelete