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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Not as much of a hard sell as I thought.

Um, apparently the abstinent Christian kinky switch thing is not quite the problem I thought. My eHarmony and OKCupid and FetLife profiles all mention it up front, and I spent basically all day yesterday in various forms of Internet communication with six different women who had contacted me. The most exciting one by a lot at this point in our knowledge of each other is in Louisiana, quite far away, though. (If you read this, A., Hi!)

And someone else contacted me as I was typing this. This is very weird for me. Not what I thought would happen. Am I overselling myself? I'm trying to be honest but my profiles don't list all my flaws, like my struggles with laziness and depression.

8 comments:

  1. Oh, Mousie. I'm afraid you're going to have to admit you're attractive. :)

    You're not overselling yourself. I haven't Internet-dated, but I understand it's like a first date: you are honest, of course, particularly about anything with clear bearing on the relationship (like abstinence and kink!) but you also want to present yourself in your best light. You shouldn't lie, of course, but there's nothing wrong with leaving "I struggle with depression" till you know each other better.

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  2. Thanks, Ozy! It's not exactly that I can't admit I'm attractive, it's more that I am surprised, or astounded, by each and every instance where it appears that it's correct to say I'm attractive.

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  3. Yeah, don't act so shocked that women may find you interesting. Close your eyes and visualize with me. Think about the most physically unappealing person that you've ever seen and yet known that they were getting some. You're intelligent and not at all a bad looking guy. You have something unique to offer single ladies. At least I assume those dating sites aren't chocked full of christian men into abstinence and kink. You've got desirable qualities and you're selling to a niche market. Does that change your perspective?

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  4. Thanks, Clint! I've pretty much only been looking at the women's profiles for obvious reasons, but judging by those and their comments to me it's unique to be up-front about it. I guess a big part of my astonishment is how many women are interested in the niche.

    It's tapered off since that flurry Tuesday. Which is good, since I was running out of time to answer, and thinking if it kept up I'd have to change my profile to reduce the traffic. Maybe take out the section about how looks aren't important.

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  5. I'm sure they are intrigued by the honesty. And really, many women would love the whole abstinence/kink thing. It's like the whole June Cleaver in the kitchen/Jenna Jameson in the bedroom thing. You've given them a freedom of imagining themselves as both the model of morals and a sex kitten. Really, what women doesn't want that? And you aren't a bad looking guy. Bonus!

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  6. Thanks Penny! I never thought of it that way. If I ever want to increase traffic I think I'll call that out specifically.

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  7. A while before I met Minx, I decided to save P-in-V for my next committed relationship - but I didn't want to be totally alone/chaste until then. I made an online personal ad specifically seeking a "FWB" who was up for naked stuff but not actual sex...I assumed nobody would go for this, but I got tons of replies. TONS. And I know they read the "No P-in-V" part because immediately after that I wrote "Put the word HIPPOPOTAMUS in your reply so I know you read this".

    I think people are up for all kinds of nontraditional sexual or relationship arrangements - way more than most of us think. The key is to say what you want upfront, of course, so your audience can make the conscious decision (more than one dating advice book has recommended hiding any potential "dealbreakers" until someone starts to like you, then springing everything on them in hopes that they're now too attached to easily run away. That's fucking appalling).

    You're saying what you want upfront, Mousie, and therefore attracting women who want the same thing (or at least are okay with accommodating your needs). Plus, y'know, what other people said: you're attractive and smart and generally awesome. I think a lot of chicks would rather chastely date an awesome guy than date-n-screw a schlub.

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  8. PerverseCowgirl, you're too kind. <3

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