Nonverbal but unequivocal in a relationship

I had an idea for something that seems like it would be fun in a marriage or other relationship where at least one partner likes the other to take control without asking sometimes. Get a piece of jewelry that can go with almost anything, like maybe a pin, and make a verbal agreement that you'll wear it only when you want your partner to initiate or take control or take you or use you or whatever variation floats your boat. Seems like a nice compromise between the need for communication and the need for silent acquiescence that some people feel.

Keeping very busy with nice things

I'm keeping very busy with nice things.  Work, dance classes, social stuff with friends.

I've been spending a lot of time writing, because when I meet someone nice through OKCupid or something I like to try to stay friends with them even if we don't think romance is an option.  As people have been added to that list I've ended up with a bunch of emails to write daily.

No dates so far, though.  My OKC profile is pretty open and I'm a peculiar guy, definitely not for everyone, so this is unsurprising.  Also, I'm kind of picky, and intend to stay that way.

More on the Murre theme.

Saturday night, at my usual steampunk/neovictorian event (unnamed this time because it occurred to me I don't want to appear on a Google search for that), I was talking with one of the vendors for a while.  She was telling me about some performance in Boston she attended where they ripped up a Bible, with the obvious expectation I would approve.

Next morning in church I was telling my pastor how I go to a regular costume event where people wear neovictorian clothing, and he was telling me how weird I was.  But, he said, it's what makes me me, so it's OK.  Later I was arguing with one of my Christian friends about referring to a trans woman as she when she's not there to hear it, me taking the "call her what she wants" approach and him taking the "wrong genitals" approach.

Sometimes I really do feel like an alien everywhere.  As a Christian though, I should be expecting that.  In the end, this world is not my home.

To be fair, I spend most of Saturday night hanging out with two pleasant, nice, beautiful, (married,) belly dancers, one of whom is an Christian.  So that was a very nice evening, and I expect we will continue being friends in the future.  And Sunday, another of my Christian friends was agreeing with me about the use the pronoun the person referred to prefers.  I really shouldn't complain.  It just seems like there have been a whole lot of these episodes recently, like every time I go to a steampunk event.

Also a confession: Saturday night, the vendor had a cold and packed up early, but when she packed up I was enjoying myself chatting with the belly-dancers and it didn't even occur to me that I should have offered to help her schlep her stuff to her car.  It probably would have if I were feeling warmer towards her, which I would have been if not for the Bible-ripping comment.

I love this video

I love this song, and the video even more:


Sia - Clap Your Hands

Sia, unusually, does not seem to care much about coming across as pretty or sexy in her videos, which is especially noticeable in Buttons.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates Easter, and happy April 8th to everyone who doesn't!

At War With My Tastes

I'm still at war with my tastes in women's looks. I can't seem to change them. The war has been heating up again as women who do match my tastes show interest.

Part of the problem is that my best women friends do not match where my tastes run, and they already feel bad about their bodies. I feel like by acknowledging what I like, I am betraying them. I feel like by admitting I don't want someone who looks like them, I am devaluing them.

Also, I know if I marry someone I am attracted to and lack of sex becomes a problem again, I will blame myself endlessly for being shallow in choosing her. (It's what I did last time, too.) There is an undercurrent in my mind that is afraid of women who attract me, that thinks if I pick a conventionally unattractive woman and it all goes wrong again at least I'll be less harsh on myself. And also, that a less conventionally attractive woman may at least continue to like my looks even if she doesn't much want to have sex with me.

At least I'm not like this all the time anymore, this is coming from one of my downswings.

Giving dating another try

I think I'm going to give dating another try; though this time I want to keep it on a just friends, not even kissing level for a good long time.

I've found out a number of things about myself and people in general. The primary one, I think, is that it is OK if I keep looking for years for a really remarkable woman. I am an unusual guy and I can look for an unusual girl, and I shouldn't feel like it's being arrogant if I don't think falling for me is enough. I've never had anyone not want to continue after a date; actually except for my two marriages I've yet to be the dumpee instead of the dumper if there was at least one date. So that's both why I want to keep it just friends, and why I think I can be selective. And if I can be selective, I should. Why would it be of net benefit if I took the first instead of the best?

Also, for PerverseCowgirl, I think I meet all your signs.