tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post8601425441433825811..comments2018-06-03T02:13:49.956-04:00Comments on Abstinent Sexblog: VanityUncommonMurrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08999723370789881734noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-22081282907774550582010-10-24T17:13:27.657-04:002010-10-24T17:13:27.657-04:00I certainly see what you're saying about the g...I certainly see what you're saying about the guys you were with, and you're not the first woman I've heard mention the problem. It's such an ugly concept, the idea that you're buying sex for the price of a meal. The tradition of men buying, of course, goes back to times when the idea of waiting until marriage for sex was pretty normal.<br /><br />I buy partly, I hope, because I'm nice, and partly because I'm kind of old-fashioned, and I have an old-fashioned gender identity. I like P.G. Wodehouse and Sir Walter Scott. I buy, I hold doors, I tip my hat, I carry bags, I bear pain stoically. It's part of what being manly means to me. Sometimes these trappings of an earlier time repel people because it reminds them of a time when gender inequalities were much worse. Some people like them, though; after all it's not like letting me hold the door is the spell that restores the Patriarchy to it's old dominance. It's a matter of taste, and it doesn't say anything much about moral qualities either way.AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-53932455853045926792010-10-24T11:42:00.527-04:002010-10-24T11:42:00.527-04:00Interesting reactions from you guys.
In my experi...Interesting reactions from you guys.<br /><br />In my experience, a guy who pays for everything solely because I have a vagina (not because he knows I make less and not just to be nice) is a guy riddled with <i>other</i> gender double-standards; ones that don't work out so nicely for me, like: "If <i>I</i> want sex that's normal but if <i>she</i> wants sex she's a slut."<br /><br />My best dating experiences have <i>all</i> been with guys who saw me as <i>human</i> first and <i>female</i> second. They actually wanted to get to know me, not just "buy" sex from me with free dinners; they saw me as more than just the gatekeeper of a vagina they wanted to get into; they didn't act so sexually aggressive with me that I was forced to <i>be</i> the gatekeeper. Sex, if it happened, was treated like a fun mutual activity and not "WOOOO I outsmarted her I'm gonna do a touchdown dance and <i>wait a minute</i> maybe she gets naked that fast with <i>everyone</i> OMG RUN AWAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!"<br /><br />I suspect the kind of dinner-buyings both of you are referring to are of a very different nature, mind you. I'm just saying that the concept of "guy who goes dutch on dates" shouldn't have a negative connotation. It should have a "we'll wait and see what's up with this" connotation, just like the concept of "guy who <i>always</i> pays for dates."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-80441691445907178512010-10-22T17:48:54.587-04:002010-10-22T17:48:54.587-04:00My first thought wasn't positive either. I do...My first thought wasn't positive either. I don't know that I can be the kind of man that doesn't pay for dinner. I want to provide and I think I will always value myself for providing. It would be a better society if women made just as much as men. And considering providing to be part of my value as a man is clearly an artifact of that unjust society. But I don't think it's a BAD artifact in itself.<br /><br />As far as expectations go, I'm the kind of man that pays for dinner and then refuses to have sex until we're married. I'll generally try to get the tab even if it's not a date, but I don't insist on in in any case.<br /><br />BTW, LabRat, I'm with you on the adventurous eating. I love trying new styles/nationalites of food and and I've never met a style I didn't like. Sharing and trading food is great because then you get to try twice as many things, or more if you've got more sharers at the table.AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-28656931345193146502010-10-22T16:20:55.291-04:002010-10-22T16:20:55.291-04:00Become the kind of man who doesn't pay for din...<i>Become the kind of man who doesn't pay for dinner.</i><br /><br />Have to admit the first thought I had of "the kind of man who doesn't pay for dinner" was very far from a positive image. <br /><br /><br />Thinking it through I'd rather like a first date at a nice restaurant where the understanding was that we'd go dutch because that suits my definition of a civilized and friendly arrangement which carries no expectations (especially if we were at a nice restaurant because he was as adventurous as I am about food and it was also understood we'd do a lot of sharing and trading, but that's strictly me), but that's still not my first thought of "the kind of man who doesn't pay for dinner", a cheapskate is. For that matter I'd be absolutely cool with buying dinner for a man I had my on, but not because that was the kind of guy he was.<br /><br />Well that was a nice and confusing look at gender roles and my own prejudices...LabRathttp://www.atomicnerds.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-34211304637707952682010-10-22T15:15:05.945-04:002010-10-22T15:15:05.945-04:00"When I get a compliment from a woman on my l..."When I get a compliment from a woman on my looks, I think it means she'd like to see me across the table at a nice restaurant that I'm paying for."<br /><br />Become the kind of man who doesn't pay for dinner. Then you'll know that women are actually wanting <i>you</i> and not just what you can provide.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com