tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post6052608501292730348..comments2018-06-03T02:13:49.956-04:00Comments on Abstinent Sexblog: A few anecdotes about objectification and consentUncommonMurrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08999723370789881734noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-47764679047973740072011-09-12T20:51:40.624-04:002011-09-12T20:51:40.624-04:00I just heard about a way I do stare: when I am tal...I just heard about a way I do stare: when I am talking with a woman apparently I stare into her eyes attentively without being distracted, say by a nice ass walking by or the woman's rack, at least thirty times longer (by Rook's estimate) than a normal man would without looking away. This observation was completely unprompted by me (except, of course, by the way I attended while talking with her).AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-23524725420250278412011-09-12T20:46:09.975-04:002011-09-12T20:46:09.975-04:00LabRat, no, she had absolutely no problem expressi...LabRat, no, she had absolutely no problem expressing objections. She was good at expressing (future, present, and past) "No, I don't want that", "No, I don't like that", and "No, I didn't like that". Also generally pretty good at "yes I do like that" and "yes I did like that". The problems were with "yes I do want that" and especially "this is what I want".AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-57273938093646267492011-09-12T20:28:28.421-04:002011-09-12T20:28:28.421-04:00On penetration after oral sex without explicit con...On penetration after oral sex without explicit consent- It doesn't strike me as all that problematic, especially if she didn't object at the time or afterward (and it sounds like she wasn't afraid to express things like that to you), but I have a very difficult time putting myself empathetically in the situation to begin with. In general if I'm OK with being touched sexually <i>at all</i> I'm fine with penetration, and I would be hurt and disappointed if my partner were reluctant to get off themself during sex. But that's an individual thing.<br /><br />On sex during sugar lows- that strikes me as a LOT more problematic actually. Much moreso than having sex with a somewhat drunk partner. I have some experience with type 1 and I'd never be able to happily have sex with one during a low, I'd be too busy trying to get sugar into them.<br /><br />On staring- it doesn't bother me unless it includes an aggressive component. Looking at me is fine, staring at me when it would be socially ordinary/polite to acknowledge me directly and personally in some fashion is disrespectful. To a certain degree extended gaze is itself a bit of a "...can I help you?" thing with humans, but it has to get way excessive before that point and both genders are uncomfortable with it in nonsexual situations as well.LabRathttp://www.atomicnerds.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-39579631423658527512011-09-11T17:32:42.500-04:002011-09-11T17:32:42.500-04:00Please forgive me if I'm a little defensive ev...Please forgive me if I'm a little defensive even though I flat-out asked for it; I WANT the critique, but it's still super hard for me to hear. :/AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-20907894676885805092011-09-11T04:35:49.623-04:002011-09-11T04:35:49.623-04:00PC, that sounds eminently reasonable, especially s...PC, that sounds eminently reasonable, especially since you presumably don't go around agreeing to be your guy's love slave and whore. As I'm telling that story I'm remembering more details that make me think that was partly my one attempt to hook into her (at the time only suspected) consensual nonconsent thing. It was a failure, and there was no encouragement to try further, so I kind of put it out of my mind.<br /><br />I think you touch on the greatest source of your staring privilege when you say female sexuality is not scary. If you stare, it is pure compliment. If guys notice, I'd expect them to be flattered not uncomfortable or offended.AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-74776242759765261592011-09-10T19:31:08.454-04:002011-09-10T19:31:08.454-04:00Re: penetration: I personally feel that it's p...Re: penetration: I personally feel that it's presumptuous for a guy to think he's gettin' in there just because other sexual stuff has taken place. I prefer to be asked (nothing huge or overwrought, just a quick check-in to make sure I'm okay with things).<br /><br />Roleplay in which one or both people secretly want sex but are conflicted about it sounds <i>awesome</i> btw. The sexual tension would be delicious!<br /><br />And I really, really love that you try not to gawk at pretty girls. So respectful! But it makes me sad that this habit prevents you from fully enjoying burlesque. <br /><br />I'm realizing that I have quite a bit of privilege because I have a bad staring habit around pretty boys and nobody has <i>ever</i> said anything about it. Either I'm more subtle than I think I am, or the boys have no idea they're pretty so they don't realize they're being ogled. Or a mix of both. But anyway, I'm really glad my sexuality isn't seen as threatening to anyone. Depending on who you ask, female sexuality is either nonexistent or hilarious...but it's not <i>scary</i>. And there are advantages to that.perversecowgirlhttp://www.perversecowgirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com