tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post5349341280372430639..comments2018-06-03T02:13:49.956-04:00Comments on Abstinent Sexblog: Pride goes before a fallUncommonMurrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08999723370789881734noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-13826247803564883262010-12-02T17:01:14.811-05:002010-12-02T17:01:14.811-05:00That's awesome, Rogue Bambi. That's why r...That's awesome, Rogue Bambi. That's why reading about your relationship gives me hope for one for me in the future.<br /><br />I've got to confess something; I have a problem with the texture of semen and vaginal fluid mixed. Either one is OK in my mouth, but both together bothers me a bit. But as you read in my more recent post, if she thinks that's hot then the exact fact it bothers me becomes my joy.<br /><br />I never thought so many people would wade through this story.AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-38136712897067970672010-12-02T16:17:27.061-05:002010-12-02T16:17:27.061-05:00My first thought was, "Oh no! with me already...<i>My first thought was, "Oh no! with me already started like that, she won't come!" But wow, what if she knew that and did it anyway? </i><br /><br />Yes! Oh, yes! And it is so sweet of you to think like that. <br /><br />We sometimes agree that Wonderboy can fuck me the way he likes and come, because worrying about me orgasming and trying to make it happen obviously changes the whole dynamic. It's the sexiest thing to be on a ride with someone doing what they absolutely most want to do. And I definately get off on him taking advantage of me "not caring about my pleasure". Usually I come when we have a deal like that. :)<br /><br />And I don't even think about it, and neither does he, he goes down on me every time I don't orgasm during intercourse. We also kiss after. <br /><br />I do think you should be open to sexual situations and at least try to play with the other one if not in the mood for full play. But that is one thing that's going really good in our relationship now. We play together and apart and cuddling but doing it ourselves, like Perversecowgirl and Minx. Everything is good an welcomed. It breeds happiness and more sex, it does.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-19457168705122047522010-11-24T15:14:51.807-05:002010-11-24T15:14:51.807-05:00Oh well. I'm going to try to make sure it'...Oh well. I'm going to try to make sure it's never again something I NEED to understand.AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-32816744937744206712010-11-24T14:55:18.678-05:002010-11-24T14:55:18.678-05:00Yeah, it's that "sick or had a miserable ...Yeah, it's that "sick or had a miserable day" thing, and apparently it extends to 'at all times I was not already aroused" to folks like T.<br /><br />It's "I love you" to me too if I feel fine, "I don't want you to use my body" when I'm feeling far too off to perform.LabRathttp://www.atomicnerds.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-7995013696176934162010-11-24T14:49:30.795-05:002010-11-24T14:49:30.795-05:00LabRat also gets the "Willing to wade through...LabRat also gets the "Willing to wade through long personal story" award. :)<br /><br />There's something I don't get about the second one, <i>and a person feeling their partner wants to use their body to get off regardless of how they feel about it</i>, in the context of a loving relationship. It's that when that's my body being used, "I love you" is how I feel about it. Unless I'm sick or had a miserable day or something, that's it, that's my answer, of course I want to get you off. So I still don't get it.AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-13166320285301472382010-11-24T13:24:31.267-05:002010-11-24T13:24:31.267-05:00I'll note there's a huge difference betwee...I'll note there's a huge difference between someone choosing to use their body to get their partner off- which can be a pretty powerful and arousing decision in and of itself- and a person feeling their partner wants to use their body to get off regardless of how they feel about it.<br /><br />As to the post itself, it's a sad story and one I feel is probably not an unusual one. T sounds like someone who was to some degree avoiding self knowledge and introspection that could be painful.LabRathttp://www.atomicnerds.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-51383030771105560682010-11-24T11:03:51.169-05:002010-11-24T11:03:51.169-05:00Your comments are the best! I think maybe when I ...Your comments are the best! I think maybe when I start dating again, I'll write "it damn well should be!" on the back of my hand as a reminder.<br /><br />As long as I'm making a long, detailed list of what I wish for in a woman, it would be great if she thought it was hot to make me eat my own come out of her pussy. Then if I came before she did, it would still be hot for her. That would be perfect for taking the pressure off that I feel in p-in-v and helping to get me over those issues.AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-90647531441846417362010-11-24T10:04:48.821-05:002010-11-24T10:04:48.821-05:00Maybe it's that pedestal we talked about, prev...<i>Maybe it's that pedestal we talked about, preventing intimacy. What do you think? </i><br /><br />Yeah, I think the pedestal is getting in the way a little bit. Or maybe you just have some unrealistic, idealized views of how sex should go. <br /><br />It's <i>nice</i> to have an orgasm during the actual p-in-v, but it's not a requirement and in fact there are lots of reasons why I prefer <i>not</i> to orgasm during sex. Sometimes Minx's thrusting is so pleasurable in and of itself that clitoral stimulation is a distraction; sometimes I want to really feel the closeness and connection with Minx, and would prefer to be fully present and making eye contact than concentrating on making myself come; sometimes, yes, I just flat-out want to watch him get off. Often, lately, my own orgasmic responses are a bit "off" and my most reliable turn-on - the thing that will boost me up enough to "get there" is watching Minx orgasm.<br /><br /><i>"Oh no! with me already started like that, she won't come!"</i><br /><br />I think you're so used to your wife's reactions that you forget how turned on some women can get just from hearing/seeing their partner masturbate. Yes, in this scenario you'd already be "primed" and won't last as long as usual; but quite possibly, <i>the same is true of her</i>.<br /><br />A "friend" of mine once left an orgasm on my voicemail. The message lasted perhaps three minutes, maybe less. When I began listening to it I was not in a particularly sexual mood, but that first little flurry of breathing hit me like a fuckin' hammer and by the time the boy in the message had come, so had I. <i>Twice.</i> <br /><br />Don't think of your wanking as an oddity or hilarious foreign ritual to a woman. Think of it as sexy, because it damn well should be! <br /><br /><i>I thought you should get some kind of "Willing to wade through long personal story" award. :) </i><br /><br />Only if I can give you a "graciously tolerates LONG rambling comments" award. :DAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-16164782203834457642010-11-24T08:54:40.595-05:002010-11-24T08:54:40.595-05:00perversecowgirl, by the way, when I scrolled down ...perversecowgirl, by the way, when I scrolled down this post to read your comments and add mine, I thought you should get some kind of "Willing to wade through long personal story" award. :)AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-54292326436594962612010-11-24T08:51:36.678-05:002010-11-24T08:51:36.678-05:00perversecowgirl, Yes. You know I have a different...perversecowgirl, Yes. You know I have a different set of beliefs about the supernatural, but I think the same kind of preparations will affect which women are attracted to me in terms of the way people work.<br /><br />Right now I'm set up for nobody but friends. This is a good thing in itself, right now when friends are what I need, and I'm glad to attract wonderful people like yourself to be friends. But some of the reasons are bad.<br /><br />Right now I have too much in the way of emotional insecurity to be really attractive to anyone as a lifetime partner. One can forgive some in a partner, and a lot more in a friend; I have too much for a partner. I'd probably tend to attract predators in real life but I'm not nearly rich enough for the most skilled and honestly I think I'm too old and smart for most.<br /><br />I've been sitting and thinking about the implications of what you said. There's a lot to think about, way too much for me to put in this comment. I was just thinking of posting today on how, with the way libido adapts, I have to be careful not to settle, which ties in.<br /><br /><i>Or even a woman who would wake up the rest of the way and enthusiastically climb aboard.</i><br /><br />My first thought was, "Oh no! with me already started like that, she won't come!" But wow, what if she knew that and did it anyway? What if she thought her pussy could sometimes decently be used for a purpose other than her orgasms, (which was true of my second wife)? What if she was enthusiastic about it and willing to talk to me and make me comfortable with how she felt (which was not)? I talked about handjobs and footjobs in this post, but it's not actually so much because I think hands and feet are so great but that pussies are so sacred. Certainly when I was the one doing the giving I was never reluctant to use my cock to do it. Maybe it's that pedestal we talked about, preventing intimacy. What do you think?AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-7910141776843335122010-11-24T00:21:10.374-05:002010-11-24T00:21:10.374-05:00I hope I can find a woman who will enthusiasticall...<i>I hope I can find a woman who will enthusiastically do the same for me. </i><br /><br />I hope you do, too. Or even a woman who would wake up the rest of the way and enthusiastically climb aboard. :D<br /><br />As you may know from some of my blog posts, I believe that the universe brings you the partner you think you deserve - so once you've healed from the pain of your divorce and know right down to your bones that you <i>deserve</i> someone who appreciates you and makes you happy...that's when she'll come into your life.<br /><br />For a long time, my dating angst was drawing unsuitable people to me. I realized it here: http://perversecowgirl.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/fumbling-toward-ecstasy ...and worked hard at getting out of my own way. Two months later, I met Minx. <br /><br />I bet that with enough soul-searching, you too can "de-bug" yourself so that your next wife is the forever one. It just takes time and self-awareness - both of which you have in spades. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-19847980375843502192010-11-23T19:56:44.361-05:002010-11-23T19:56:44.361-05:00A resounding yes to both your caveats, perversecow...A resounding yes to both your caveats, perversecowgirl.<br /><br />If the person was the victim of sexual assault or abuse, as I believed of my first wife, I would not resent it (I didn't) though I did still feel the lack of course. I may have felt the lack more because I was incredibly careful not to emotionally push even a little bit, and so I was super diffident in suggesting.<br /><br />And if you're not in the mood, <i>when not in the mood is an unusual condition</i>, that's just fine, and I totally sympathize, and feel the same way. I don't sympathize at all when not in the mood is the normal condition and in the mood is a special condition.<br /><br />I'm so glad Minx is helping you with your feelings of rejection. The moaning in your ear when you're wanking sounds wonderful. I hope I can find a woman who will enthusiastically do the same for me.AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-52159103345438138522010-11-23T18:57:24.231-05:002010-11-23T18:57:24.231-05:00she explained that she wasn't in the mood and ...<i>she explained that she wasn't in the mood and didn't feel good about it if she wasn't in the mood. I know most people feel this way, and though I've really really tried, I just can't get it.</i><br /><br />Yes! I've never understood people who not only turn down their partner's request for sex, but actually leave the room. <br /><br />I mean, maybe if the person was a victim of sexual assault/abuse; I can see how someone might have PTSD that sometimes made anything sexual seem horrible/dirty/etc. But I don't get how a normal, relatively well-adjusted person could be so turned off all things sexual that they can't even stand to be in the room with it.<br /><br />I will say that I don't force myself to have sex if I'm really, really not in the mood - that would cause me to start resenting Minx, I think ("Can he not <i>tell</i> that I'm ambivalent?! Does he know, but he's using my body anyway?"). But I've had sex when I'm in the vast gray area of not actively feeling like it, but not minding the idea either. And I'm always happy to snuggle up and cheerlead while he masturbates.<br /><br />I myself am extremely sensitive to feeling sexually rejected, thanks to being married to someone who treated my orgasms like a grim and disgusting semi-annual chore. I'm trying to get over it, though. Sometimes I've started wanking next to Minx after he's already asleep; so far, he's always become aware of what I was doing and ended up rolling over and moaning in my ear to help me over the edge. I'm so very grateful for this.<br /><br />And I don't blame you for stating that you felt trapped. WTF can you do when you clearly state what you need and the other person just won't fucking do it? That happened in my marriage, too. <br /><br />It sounds like when you told your wife you felt trapped, it made her realize that she was flat-out <i>not</i> prepared to give you what you needed, and that this was patently unfair to you. No amount of counseling will save a relationship if only one person is actually willing to try to fix things, so I do think this divorce is for the best.<br /><br />Although of course it sucks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com