tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post596756434656347155..comments2018-06-03T02:13:49.956-04:00Comments on Abstinent Sexblog: ForgivenessUncommonMurrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08999723370789881734noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-22943902229359764632010-12-20T05:28:39.932-05:002010-12-20T05:28:39.932-05:00Rogue Bambi, thinking about this further (thank yo...Rogue Bambi, thinking about this further (thank you for the comment that prompted it), I think that I was right in that I am not so jealous, but I was missing that I am envious. I am very envious, for example, that I couldn't get her to wear her convention costumes for me in private, but he can get her to wear a slave collar in public; and I am envious of all that implies. And I am angry that she told me how terribly hard she was trying with me, which spared her ego at the cost of mine.AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-39909512515592761562010-12-19T16:39:39.042-05:002010-12-19T16:39:39.042-05:00It's true I can't forgive any offense agai...It's true I can't forgive any offense against me that I don't acknowledge as an offense in the first place. And I think there was one for me to forgive; like I said I wouldn't have done this to her. Forgiveness is necessary to allow me to keep the charitable love, where I wish her well.<br /><br />Incompatibilities aren't the same as an offense; those I should acknowledge to get rid of the romantic love, which is not good any more.<br /><br />I do not think Christianity enforces not being honest; quite the opposite. You repent of your sins to be forgiven them, so you must be honest about them to repent of them.<br /><br />I don't think my feelings towards him are mostly jealousy, because I can so easily and happily imagine her with someone else who I liked and admired. I can think of several men. In fact there was one she was staying with for a while that I felt pretty good about. This guy I never liked to begin with, he always struck me as someone who would be bad for a woman, especially a vulnerable one. I'm sure there's an element of jealousy. And I already acknowledged the hate. But I really don't think the hate flows primarily from jealousy.<br /><br />Letting go is no part of my plan. You don't let go of your friends. If I'm right about him I don't want her to fear talking about it because of me, and I want my friends who are angry at her now to be there for her.AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-65532303172215755462010-12-19T13:29:53.406-05:002010-12-19T13:29:53.406-05:00I think first you have to acknowledge and only the...I think first you have to acknowledge and only then you can forgive. The love probably won't wane entirely (if you're that sort of a person, like myself), but will change. I guess only time will do the trick. <br /><br />But your feelings regarding the new man do seem jealous and seem to me to be far from letting go. So, taking the distance, even if you won't call it hate, acknowledging the things that went wrong, the incompatibleties, is necessary for recovering. Isn't it? <br /><br />Sometimes I think christianity enforces not being honest when it tries to enforce the good values. People feel hate. It's what you do with it that matters and makes you a cristian or a good person, in my books. <br /><br />It's a good thing to miss a loved one. You are also missing yourself with her. Now you have to go and build a new self. It's pretty scary.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-43762543364812982422010-12-18T21:55:53.506-05:002010-12-18T21:55:53.506-05:00Your "helps me to forgive myself" sounds...Your "helps me to forgive myself" sounds rather like the good side of my "I wouldn't have to acknowledge my own faults so much".<br /><br />I don't actually want my love for either of my previous wives to die out; I just want to change the <i>eros</i>, romantic love, and most of the <i>storge</i>, affectionate, filial love, to nothing but <i>agape</i>, charitable love. I want to love her in the sense that I wish her well and would help her if she needed it, not in the sense that I miss her (which I still do) or that I want her back (which I don't, thanks in part to you.)<br /><br />Hating her to be free of missing her or wanting her is not a Christian option.AndrewVanbergenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14923434958244441857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7616558788482418353.post-8566267283070694612010-12-18T16:15:46.528-05:002010-12-18T16:15:46.528-05:00I kind of do believe that first you have to learn ...I kind of do believe that first you have to learn to hate before you can let go. Had loves never die out entirely, for me, so it's imperative I learn to hate. It helps me to forgive <i>myself</i> for making the mistakes I made. <br /><br />I don't believe, but I don't think love and hate are made entirely out of a different substance. I'm a pretty hot-headed person myself, so my intake on this is, that you can only hate someone who means a lot to you. It wouldn't matter otherwise. So, to get over something, not learning to love, but learning to let go could be the key. <br /><br />This coming from an entirely un-christian and well-meaning yet hot-headed person. :)<br /><br />And thank you. I'm happy to hear.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com